Aigul in Slovenia

Another blog

2011-02-13T03:59:00.000+01:00

Hi everyone,

i can see that people are still visiting this blog so for the ones who don't know where i am and what i am doing, i invite you to read my another blog (which is more than 1 year old) - http://aigul-argentina.blogspot.com

basically all information + personal reflections are there :)

thank you!

from 22.07.09

2009-07-30T00:10:00.000+02:00

it is an extremely hot day in Budapest and i am sitting on Lenkin's bed without internet and waiting for hit to go away so that i can taste the city being fresh and good.

it has been almost one month since my term as MCP of AIESEC Slovenia finished and i started my X journey. Its pretty hard to sum up what happened and how much it transformed me but i am a different person as one year ago. I spent several days with Matjaz as he organized a media conference, he is the person who hasn't seen me for 1 year and he said almost immediately - girl, you changed completely. i am still figuring out what it means. changes never come in only positive or negative way - for this you don't need to be a smartass - but today right now i feel myself much more as a woman professionally and personally even though i have a long way to become it completely. Today when i went through the tops of success and deep shit being AIESEC Slovenia MCP i can feel my role in the world and almost any environment i am in. i understand my huge debt to AIESEC and what it did with me, it's an unpayable lifelong debt, but i don't feel any emptyness as i was warned about. maybe it's because life is so rich and so full of various opportunities that AIESEC's role is not to fulfill your life completely but to guide you to your things, your people and make sure you accomplish your mission and live your life not someone's else just because it's supposed to be the right one.

this last month being thrown from one extreme to another, from the top to hell and back i also realized how important it is to wait and look deeper around. it's damn important to know what you want and then repeating Coelho's words for 100000 time - all universe will help you to achieve it. it's damn crucial to have the right people around you - right and diverse - with this i am happy that my "black" period of life in july showed me who are they and who are they not. and life is a biggest joker - it can turn you around so extraordinary with all your people around that you feel like an artist having absolutely different roles with same people.

i still strongly believe that things happen for a reason.
i still strongly believe that we are responsible for who we are and for what happens with us.
i know now that i never know how curcumstances turn around and how the world will be for me
i know now that i should take things easy and accept them in the way they are when nothing can be/should not be changed
i know now that at the end of my life i will forget all the strategies, daily routine and bla but what i will remember people that i love and care about.
i know and still believe that you should go on, never ever give up and stop dreaming - achievements and success sometimes come later, but all investments come back and all the good things remain.

and i know that lifetime friends never disappear from your life no matter if they are in Portugal/Mozambique, Italy/Brazil, Slovenia/Croatia, Hungary or anywhere else in this world.

thank you whoever for blessing my life and giving me all your fruits and corns to enjoy, to learn, to love, to grow and give back.

it is an extremely hot day in Budapest and i am sitting on Lenkin's bed saying obrigada to Barbara's mother who entered the room and opened the windows so that i can breath fresh air. she told me that in portuguese that i don't understand. but you don't need to understand people's warmth right? it doesn't have difference in languages.

Creo que la vida un tresoro sin equal

2009-05-29T09:42:00.002+02:00

* i got the sticker with permission for residence and am legal again. and people, it's such a weird feeling when you know you get it, but you are kind of expired already, you can't travel, you can't book tickets (but who will stop me? :) ) and the only thing that you have is a piece of paper that you are ok. i will never understand illegal immigrants or people who mess with such kind of rules.

* thesis is done, all tickets are booked meanwhile, all meetings in RU are scheduled. i have again a trip home with purpose and never just to visit people. and have more clear feeling about this country and other countries in my life. but let us see how it will be solved in following days. it looks like a big mix again.

* we got Nikos in our place. So all MC 0910 is here. having their first party (networking event :D) last night. uhhh. i am amazed. and at the same time i know that in certain points my guys are unbeatable and i am simply happy to have a dinner with them and be completely aligned with jokes and all the craziness that we have. who else would provide you with adrenalin by just riding bikes and screaming like birds (since july already :) )? who else will be so innocent and damn sarcastic at the same time? when Jens was looking at Diego and me laughing and dying for some 5 mins i thought that the biggest cultural shock one can get in Slovenia is living with us (my guys and me). but let me write about my guys some next time=)

* MC 0910 is wonderful :)

* Salsa. Last night i was finally convinced to go there after 1 month of break. i had reasons of not going there and last night i realized how silly those reasons were and how much all this spirit, smell and energy makes me a part of it. And it took all my doubts away about certain things.

* "We always donate blood. it's our tradition" - i met Ziga from EESTEC pretty randomly in the bus and those his words made me share with him something i usually never share with people.

* "You have big dreams". God, damn, you could say it in 30 mins of getting to know me but not knowing me at all.

Ljubljana in the evenings. amazingly magic, scary, intimate and special city.
Life is a big treasure. feel it, breath it and see what is unseen.

bole biti pjan nego star - 2

2009-05-23T12:43:00.003+02:00

last night we were celebrating Aljoša's birthday in DD. it's a place where we used to live with my guys when we just came to Slovenia. The room where i slept my first night full of guys on the floor and in the bed (too many people, too less space) gave me the feeling that it would be normal for the whole year already that time. tones of nice memories about living in DD came back - it's like remembering your old times, your youth which is pretty weird as you have been living in the country less than a year and you are supposed to be this guest resident. the rooms around and even self-made designs look same - people still live there and it's normal when my own life is changing so dynamically. probably this is what people call sustainability? even if its permanent, but at least you know what happens to you within 2-3 months..

and then i recalled my life in Šiška - another place we lived and that was so special as well and it seems again that i lived 3 years instead of one here because i simply can't squeeze everything that happened to me here in 1 year. last night people were singing bole biti pjan nego star as at my first night in Ljubljana - same room, same people, same wine :)

seems that nothing changed. but when i look at myself of that time and look at myself of now - oh my god. when i sing ne grem na kolena with my guys - we hug each other and even Diego and Marco know words - we are different.

actually we will never be the same. the core yes. but i am just astonished how fast life runs. today's date is written in my residence' permit sticker in the passport as the due date of my stay here. next week i will get a new one which means i can stay in Slovenia till the end of 2009. next week i will go to Ufa to graduate, skip diplomas giving, official party and jump here back again to put the dot and find my next destination. next week Nikos is coming already and i still clearly remember how we were waiting for Marco one year ago.

Village Part 2

2009-05-19T22:18:00.003+02:00

if you want to hide from people do not choose Ljubljana for living :)

today i had 2 meetings around FDV and EF and each third person i met was someone i knew. it might sound like - yohooo, finally i know people, but in my case it was really weird - i met really many people that were not even compatible to each other, people i already forgot and people who were not supposed to be there..

sometimes when i see a new face i am afraid to introduce myself, because what might happen is that people know you from somewhere and you simply don't remember them. you recall their names through facebook when they add you and then you see some 20 common friends and just get shocked, how small the world is.

Slovenia is definitely a cosy and sweet country for me. and now scary too - if you want to hide, just forget about it :)

Not ordinary global village

2009-05-17T17:11:00.007+02:00

if you spend some good time in AIESEC and attend international conferences you always participate in global villages. 5 countries, 10, 50, 107... depends on a scale. i've been pretty spoiled with all of them and already bored even though for last 1.5 years i have been representing Slovenia mainly.

So basically it's a nice event in the center of the city where you have a stand for your country with foods, materials, music and you have a costume or a tshirt with the name of your country on you. simple, exciting, tiring and enjoyable.

this month AIESEC Slovenia is running these GV pretty often, however i could participate only in one that was today in the center of Ljubljana. besides of cooking boobliki and blini for the whole night (first time that i actually cooked stuff for GV) and having fun with people i managed to raise russian kids through the embassy and then the group called vesela druščina. This is actually a group for children from mixed families (here one half is russian) and they have a russian school and a lot of activities to promote the language and keep connections with each other. dammit, i have been living here for the year and never ever heard about them. you really never know where and what you find. so you can imagine how much different is an experience of interacting with these people and involving them into AIESEC. and how much it is weird to speak your native language and teach people to dance your national dances and so on.

and again from one side i feel being back to my core and identity of a russian person and it is a nice feeling by the way. from the other side i am still discovering something new here and dig deeper into life which will make it so hard to leave everything and go further. so far my key opportunities are represented by 2 completely different countries and companies, my mother is writing messages asking to come back and settle down in Russia and i am wondering how my world will look like in 2 months from now on. i am sure it will be amazing and mindblowing. but i am also sure that i simply love and care about people here who became so close to me no matter how. once i read that we have 3 types of people in our life - for reason, for season and for a life time. and i am surprised to realize that i am lucky to get these people here who are for a life time mainly. People who will come at night to your place and help with cooking and entertain you, people who will listen to all your weird stories and never judge, people, who will dance with you in the middle of the supermarket, people who will give you a smile, a hug, food :) and a part of themselves without asking and expecting anything back.

Slovenia and AIESEC Slovenia, you can't imagine, how huge is the impact you made on me.

Hot.Hotter.The Hottest Future of AIESEC Slovenia

2009-05-10T21:57:00.006+02:00

Just finished with NatCo 2009.

This was my last conference in AIESEC Slovenia in the role of the president.

This was the conference where my role was mainly to support/assist/help and be around. and it's a damn great feeling after all the time when you have been desperately making sure that things go as they should go. it's an amazing feeling when you have continuity and this continuity is smart and mature enough to move this organization forward and make it much better.

This was the conference where something happened that hadn't happened last year - presence of the elected MC team, start of the planning process, bonding of new teams and being ONE.

We reflected a lot as current leaders about our year and recalled our stories of successes and failures, of happy and sad days. Actually it took me into a pretty deep discovery and personal analysis. and now i am just thinking - how could every single of us go through all those moments in 1 year?

i feel very peaceful although still energetic and horny about achievements. still don't know where my road leads me later and hope to discover it next week :) but what i discovered those 2 days is that i am leaving AIESEC Slovenia. Not a random student organization in Slovenia. But AIESEC. and it matters a lot to me.

becoming cheap

2009-05-05T20:12:00.004+02:00

when we are applying somewhere in AIESEC it's obvious that in 80% cases our living conditions are more close to surviving rather than enjoying :)

we know that salary (if) will be small and we still go for it which is amazing. working for (almost) free is another interesting topic, but i would love to bring up another one which is about becoming cheap.

i realized that i am becoming cheap when i compared things that i have from home and things that i got here. One parfume that costs more than 100 euros and is a gift from my mom beats half of my wardrobe where you can find t-shirts for less than 10 euros and a lot of junk stuff :)

another scary thing that i recalled was my changed attitude to insurance. i traveled to Brazil and Turkey (known as dangerous places) without it and now i would refuse from a new one for schengen countries that i made. is it a matter of attitude or a matter of surviving?

becoming cheap makes you also cheap content wise. you appreciate different things, you don't go for quality, all your choices change.

probably it's weird to hear it from the person that has the roof, bank account, education, food every day and parents to support in case something happens. yes, i remember that i belong to 8% of the wealthiest people in the world.

however this part of your life makes a big impact on your personality and conditions for you. and it's important to have specific parts of your life temporary and not to stuck in them.

age difference effect

2009-05-04T23:29:00.002+02:00

it has been always a funny issue for me in Slovenia. i have been often observed people around 30 still finishing their universities, partying like if there is no tomorrow and sometimes behaving in a childish way.

and now imagine me, a 22-year-old person, talking to mom on the phone today...

case 1
Mama: so why don't you go out in Ljubljana anymore? you should! because when you come back and go out you will notice mainly people who are younger than you there...

case 2
Mama: you should live in Russia.
Me: i want to live in the world.
Mama: but with this gypsy life-style you will be late with finding a good husband.
Me: well... i still have time till 30.... ooops. ok, let's say till 26?=)
Mama: what? but when you are 26 all good men will be taken! and with your travels you won't marry a russian man
Me: well, last time i was in love with a russian man i was 18. i am afraid it was the last time..
Mama: oh poor child. you are wasting your life

:)))))

My mother is 45, she was a successful doctor and then director of the company in the past, right now she has a very good career and earns well despite crisis. She married my father when she was 22 (like me now!) and it was thought that she was late already.

Sometimes things that are so obvious and natural for us now, are not same for others. It's not the difference of generations, if you read my blog probably you saw a post about my 21-year old aunt that will be an official wife of the 24-year old guy in 20 days. And she is not the only one.

Here in Slovenia it's completely different.
In many-many countries it's different.

What is better? Everybody decides for his/her own. But social pressure matters as well. I am still surprised that i avoided it in my country and especially in my muslim culture.

i am a number

2009-05-02T09:02:00.002+02:00

EP-In-SI-MC-2009-1222!

so weird and exciting to insert MY form into system.
so interesting to join the club :D

and choosing among the options of course. which i again made challenging for myself, but i can't make it simple, it's not me.

will be listening to colombian accent today all day. let's see where it brings me :)))

smile to the world

2009-04-28T23:18:00.004+02:00

my last days gave me some hard time to keep myself alive. i started recovering and then incredible tuesday has come.

starting with a horrible dream and fear to close my eyes and see it again for all day long.

continuing with the news that my mom is not coming here in may, because travel agency messed up with something and she is not crazy like me to make it anyways.

and then the whole day went like a test to survive with all financial and bureaucratic challenges, people that you had trusted and demonstrated how naive it was and so on ... :)

naturally you start thinking of why it is happening to you and what is wrong. i still remember a story about one scientist-psychologist that went through the concentration camp during the II WW and how he won his enemies with the power of his mind. he went through physical and moral pain remaining himself and became free. later one he developed a lot of publications and wrote books about power of mind and attitude.

so... there is no reason to blame the world and feel sorry for yourself. no reason to focus and make it worse. i was listening to amazing music given me by Lenkin and found myself smiling because i was visualizing all the great moments i lived in past 5-6-7-... months.

no one can guarantee you a long and easy life. no one can guarantee that you even live and do as much as you plan to. i want to be proud of my life as i am its only designer.

any random step

2009-04-26T14:32:00.003+02:00

sometimes when doing something without logic i think - my god, why did i do it?

to say yes when it makes more sense to say no, to be sick and go to the place that destroyed me even more, to be slow with processes that require my fast action now.

but when i actually look at consequences and chain of them i know why. everything happens for a reason. sounds a bit cliche right? and the final-final goal of all of them is just to learn more. no matter how the learning process is designed - in life nobody will open a book for you and present things, you have to learn by experiencing amazing and mainly ugly moments.

Nastja told me today also that when we live abroad for a long time, we tend to have unnecessary illusions as we are far from home, close friends and we still need warmth and understanding, that is why sometimes we trust people more than we should. somehow i agree with it.

i am actually thankful for learning things fast here and experiencing all my ugly moments when i am 22 and not remaining and behaving like a child in my 26-28. Life is simple but not easy yup? enjoy it and follow your heart - it will lead you to the right destination and people.

the core, THE people.

2009-04-20T22:54:00.005+02:00

one of my biggest personal achievements this year i think is to remain myself. no matter what. even when the result was not on my favor.

life at the same time doesn't let you be completely yourself and makes you behave differently, revise your points of view and the ways how you handle situations. it's true. and sometimes i feel that i am living 3-4 years in one and change dramatically. because the environment around me changes as well and i am changing my attitudes.

last week i opened my forgotten email account and found an email from one very special person that was close to me when i was 17-18. email was written some 2 months ago...
last week i found a facebook message of my ex-boyfriend (i was 16 that time and we never met after).
yesterday a talked 1.5 hours with my mom and just couldn't stop.
today i got a sweet message from my fofito Andy and realized something.

people appear and disappear in your life. some people are just a part of your environment but some people are a part of you. you might never remember some people even having them for a long time in the past. but there are always people that make a huge impact on you, no matter what is this impact.

seeing messages of those 3 people made me extremely happy, breathless, shaking and sometimes crying. talking to my mom made me relaxed as if i was home.

people are people. but they play such different roles in your life by turning you all around or keeping you cold.

Countdown

2009-04-19T11:32:00.003+02:00

On friday i realized that in 2.5 months (already less) my MCP term will finish. This means also end of active AIESEC life and Slovenia. and i realized that i still don't have a clear picture of i what i will do right away. Doesn't matter how clear i am with my ultimate visions and life goals, what matters is my concrete next step. In 2.5 months i will have to rebuild my life again and somehow start it from scratch. When i thought about it i really got scared. One year ago imagining myself living anywhere for more than 3 months would sound a boring idea but jumping from the country to country would be the only meaningful thing.

and now i started liking another word - sustainability. It's amazing - you build all your world from nothing in a new place, make your life and environment comfortable and enjoyable and then in some time you just leave it and start again and again. And thinking of this world that i built in Slovenia i must say that i am completely happy no matter which shit and disappointments i went through personally and professionally.

Well, the salt of it is that one day it must finish and you should go on and explore the world further. even if you are fully in love with the country and people around you. And yes, there is no right answer what must be done and what must not. But i am delighted to realize that i will leave this country with tears and not with the feeling that i would forget it as a nightmare. Slovenija. ljubim te :*

One big sweet village

2009-04-19T11:23:00.003+02:00

Once Matej (CEO Microsoft Slovenija) mentioned that if you make some basic research it will turn out that all people in Slovenia are relatives to each other. I smiled but realized the depth of his words only last week.

I already faced situations when i went out and introduced myself to someone and heard - oh i know you, you are Aigul and you are russian. Okei...

I live in the capital of the country where everyone knows everyone. Where everyone is a friend/lover/brother/son-daughter of some 5 more people that are connected professionally, personally and socially. And it's unbelievable. You can choose places to attend knowing that you will meet this one and this one and if it's something new, you will meet all of them.

And my personal conclusion is that the host of Santa Barbara should have been Ljubljana (all Slovenia) and not US. Because with all these playing of 10 roles per person and mix of personal-professional-social you can imagine all funny and sad stories that are being written meanwhile... :)

just enjoying it and being surprised.

when you fail

2009-04-13T10:50:00.002+02:00

March has been a rich month for elections all around. I mean AIESEC elections on local level :)

I was privileged to be on 3 of them - MC, LJ, KR. And almost all the time i was in selection committees knowing exactly how people vote and what is the basis of their decisions. Sometimes i was shocked, sometimes i was disappointed and sometimes i was amazed by maturity of people. However, it's not the point here :)

what interested me more is the behavior of people after they failed to be elected/selected for certain positions. You could see different stories here again - some people found themselves in another area and made the best out of it, some people started improving and fighting again (which is so hard actually) and some people - olalala, started behaving irresponsibly like kids that didn't get their favorite toys.

My dear heaven, how is it possible that first you make a wonderful speech and state yourself as a superperson that will drive growth, focus on quality and will expand here and there. and then after you fail you become a completely different person - no time for your job, no transition, no time (!?), no energy for doing things properly. it's hard to fail, definitely. but aren't we adults that should know how to get out of this and remain professionals or at least good persons?

I am still looking for these answers and still wonder, if it's the matter of time (to become a mature adult) or the matter of people (you can be a 50 years old kid).

Life will show us :)

SIMUN

2009-04-13T10:17:00.004+02:00

2 weeks ago i took part in SIMUN - Slovenian UN Model Simulation http://www.meos.si/simun/

i did that mainly because i really wanted to figure out once and clearly if UN is "my place". and of course because of Human rights as i want to connect my professional life with this issue.

well, it was a unique experience, this is true. We all represented countries and i was Colombiana bringing our positions and writing/adopting/negotiating resolutions. As it happens to me i didn't have specific expectations (except of quality content) and i couldn't be 100% there (the whole thing took some 5 days also working).

But anyways it was something important for me to go through. My first conclusion was:

- No, UN is not my place.
I don't feel comfortable just talking and playing a role, creating tones of institutions which goals is to organize conferences and write reports. I don't feel comfortable seeing metamorphoses of people who wear suits of countries and act thinking about themselves and protecting their positions rather than thinking about the best solutions.

- Legislation sucks :)
AIESECers that have been on LCP/MCP roles will understand me. Imagine 5 days of legislation :) i understood that in AIESEC we have extremely people-friendly legislations. I remember one moment when i took of my shoes during the break and the
chair came to me and said: "it's out of order, take on your shoes back". g-r-e-a-t.

- Human rights is something i really want to work on but i prefer hands on approach.
why? the reasons are above.

- the more i get to know the world, the less i know.
actually i was really amazed by people around even though there were some who disappointed me with their passive attitude. I enjoyed observing people's behaviors and the way they faced things. Probably my role was to be in that mess as well, but anyways :). However, i am thankful again for the chance to meet extraordinary and smart people and already have a new level of discussions.

- it's hard and responsible to be a russian.
although i was colombiana "de juro" i came back to my russian identity. and man, it's so complicated when human rights are concerned :) i met a russian minister concellour there and just observed how he was dealing with such questions.
i can also recall one night when i represented Russia officially without a special preparation and felt people expected me to state all stereotype bullet points again. However, making the presentation spontaneously i came up with main things about my country that are so important to me:
* Russia doesn't need a special introduction - we are always involved in something
* you can never ever package Russia in a universal way - it's too diverse
* We are contradictory. there is no black and white in this country. never.
* You will never understand my country using logics. You can only believe in it. or love/hate
* For every person there is his/her Russia only. And people still believe in magic.

Zivlenje

2009-04-03T00:04:00.005+02:00

haven't touched my blog for a while :)

i survived march -

*Spring SIMS - i was amazed by fundamental changes in the culture of AIESEC Slovenia - smart and mature discussions, such a strong will to make this country an ass-kicking performer, new MC, an intern arriving in the evening and proving, that it's not all about numbers; my full and complete trust in team and people around. and a wonderful, simply sensational scenery outside - mountains that gave me a lot of inner strength. All this makes me forget about the huge loss that was actually generated.

*My exam in Russia - i left the official dinner in a cocktail dress having no clue how to get to Vienna for a morning flight. Anze and girls saved me again bringing to Klagenfurt and then i was lucky to catch the last train at 4 am. I arrived in Ufa on monday and on tuesday 8 am i had an exam already. My final state exam btw :) i passed it with a violet face but i passed it ;)
And my Russia was so different for me this time - i spent most of my time with parents talking non-stop and simply enjoying it. i started my diploma and jumped it a meetings circle again. I walked in Arbat and pure center of Moscow with Vic and Lesha - my last year MC teammates and was almost late for the plane again.

*My travels.
I've been not really smart in planning them. Sleeping on benches, running after trains on high hills, looking for super smart ways and going on foot to the border, talking to police in german and proving my russian identity, catching a big car with a great bosnian guy (again!) and falling down as a dead body. In march i haven't spent any weekend in Ljubljana.

*MC team days.
3 days
Maribor
my 3 amazing bamboos
Living with Blaz
Having a mind-blowing meeting with Stane (MCP Yugoslavia in 70s) and getting a huge friendly hug from him
Fruitful and intensive work and aparently craaaaazy parties (those who read my blog for a while, know what it means when MC Slovenia has a craaaaazy party :D)
being recognized as Ljubljanschina, zabiri for my slovenian :)

Moments when i understood again that love my team so much and adore my guys. For everything they do and especially for everything they are. People is such a non-negotiable value. and i feel lucky having such kind of a team. Only because of them i consider myself a successful MCP. Exactly like that!

...
So again i am running and catching everything around. i am living one another curious event that i will describe later. i am meeting people and re-discovering the ones that i know. i am not dancing salsa :( i am facing some ugly moments (surprise surprise) i am loving life and thinking that i am a happy person.

...
one person asked me about my plans for weekends. i said i stay home. so easy to say home now :)

always somewhere

2009-03-17T18:39:00.001+01:00

currently in Ufa.

survived SIMS, legislation, MC elections, long trip and state exam within a week.

Life is incredible.

married +1

2009-03-07T23:36:00.004+01:00

i've been writing a lot about family importance.
at the same time i hardly believe it's my way for next 4-5 years since i have too much hunger for exploring more people and places and i have less wisdom to settle down and be attached to one person.

***
Galija has always been the one who grew up with me. Taking into consideration that all my cousins are at least several years younger than me, my aunts/uncles are some 4+ years older, she is really the only one. My aunt that is 1 year younger than me.

She sent me several pictures of her muslim wedding - we call it "nikah", which is all about religious connection of 2 people and is held in a modest way i'd say. i still hope to be present at her big celebration - see her in a white dress, exchanging rings and all this nice part :).

when i saw her pictures there have been 2 thoughts crossing my mind
- my babe is getting married - oh my god :)
- will i go through nikah when i get married? as far as i know it's important that the guy is muslim. Knowing myself i don't really think it will happen. which is pretty sad.

some 2 days ago i met Mehmet, a turkish exchanger here in Ljubljana. He was so excited to re-discover that i was muslim with the name that they had in Turkey. I do not feel belonging to any particular culture or country but i am truly happy to have a broader view of them also because i do not represent any particular position by default. And it makes extremely hard to still prepare for the last exam in my university and face all kinds of discriminations and brainwash.

it's so simple and so true - whatever you are and whatever you do - remain a good person.

IPM 2009 in brief

2009-03-05T14:21:00.006+01:00

International Presidents Meeting.

An annual conference gathering 2 representatives of each AIESEC country happened in Rome this year. A conference that always has following objectives:
- global planning
- global leadership team selection
- global decision making
- skills building/external workshops.

and of course this conference is the best platform for deep networking and partnership building, a unique conference where you have all countries but less people than at IC for instance.

why was it so special for me?
apart from being my last international conference in AIESEC (in a role of MCP, active member) and all sentimental consequences of it i was happy to see people that became my close friends in this organization, to observe development and growth of people i have been knowing for quite a while.

it was pretty challenging to represent Slovenia taking into consideration the fact that we still didn't repay huge debt that had been accumulated in previous years, but anyways i was confident in situation and people that were in Slovenia that time. However such a fact made us stronger no matter how weird it sounds :)

and of course i lived my aha moments that turned me and touched a lot:

* i saw Balkan cooperation happening - probably it was the coolest idea to have international MCPs in our countries and leave locals for next year - i saw them connecting and saw clarity and future in their conversations

* My elect - i am truly proud of this person and confident in the future of AIESEC Slovenia. Besides that she is a great personality

* Huston's session about Life after AIESEC :) in the end it's so true - no matter what you are doing - be a good person. the rest i've transformed in my planning already

* My Russian MC team 0708 in the roles of presidents. 3 currents, 2 elects, 1 director ;) The craziest part of our team came there from Russia, Romania, Turkey, Mauritius and Slovenia. Whould i ever think to meet them all in one place?

* My forgotten dreams and awaken role in life - feel like i got more confidence in what i want to work with - no worries, even being a true aiesecer with a life vision i still have an idea what i want to do next year.

* People that amazed me/challenged/made my days - Catarina, Katoo, Davids (Fr and Pt), Davide, John, Rob, Emilchik :), Hugo, Mali, all my balkan corner :), Sergio, Camilo, Nastya, James, Russians (...)

As for Italy itself - the only thing i regret is why i hadn't come there before. I felt like home from one side, but was always surprised how gorgeous was the country and people.

So anyways being a neighbouring country can only mean that i will go there again (and again) :)

(balkan MCPs)

(MC Russia 0708)

(everybody)

Reality

2009-03-03T14:12:00.003+01:00

Sometimes i feel pretty helpless when all efforts and huge work are senseless as soon as they face the phase of someone's else responsibility. Life is not a piece of cake - it's true. However, it's really hard to understand why something doesn't work in the specific point - is it an unclear delegation? bad guidance? wrong people? And i truly don't understand how people can relax and take things easy screwing work of others. Lack of maturity?

Probably my impressions of IPM should be more logical here now but some delay with them and jumping back into reality postponed writing about them. I will do it later. definitely. but first i need to crash this wall of apathy, wrong attitude and move on.

something that i am still sure is that i believe in this country and i believe in outstanding progress and people making it happen. but do people believe in it as well?

Zove me dusa balkanska :)

2009-02-12T20:24:00.003+01:00

i just saw this status in gtalk of Peter, exLCP of Ljubljana that is now on Exchange in Poland.

It has been several days in a row that i am discovering people's souls like a doctor discovering a human body - everything is open.

I realized that my first 6 months of Slovenian experience hasn't been so fruitful in terms of people. I met a lot of them, i talked to them, but never so close and so empathetic. So actually now i am getting back into this feeling part of my personality and enjoy it again - each person is a treasure and the most interesting book you can ever read.

I am thankful to all these sincere conversations and sharings that i have with these people. Happy to realize that the word outstanding is the best definition of this country. Happy to laugh loud so often and taste each second of my life. even when it hurts and hits. I felt this pure joyment today lunching with my team and my successor at home, laughing together and listening. this is the life i made together with them, this is the environment i wished to have and achieved to build.

dancing salsa again tonight and going to meet 106 other MCPs and their successors in Rome this week. Going to international conference by car - Russians, au?! :p

are you enjoying your life?

when you overadapt

2009-02-07T22:50:00.004+01:00

there are a lot of habits/norms here in Slovenia that we found funny with my guys. One of them was family-lifestyle of people here. There was one time in november when we realized that we knew more about nightlife of Ljubljana than others. today in february i notice that i am actually becoming like people here - enjoying home, comfort and planning everything. sounds as if i am another person.

but there is something about it that made me thankful and shifted my personality that always seeked for new places and felt bored being in one place for more than a month. this family-lifestyle teaches you to value people you love, to respect and carry about people who gave you life. i still learn how to show my parents that i really appreciate them.

today i found a song in tatar (my second native language) that is about home. quality is not good, but i love the song.

P.S. some people joke already that they won't be surprised if i marry someone soon. well, not in the coming month :)

as it should be

2009-02-06T20:16:00.002+01:00

there are 7 months between july and february. well actually we should count more between the moment when we are elected/selected/defined with the future role and the moment when we have a mid-term crisis. it's not about me now, but i see a lot of people live this period now. which is ok in general. what is important - how you live it and which conclusions you make for the future.

i just realized now that we are wearing suits of our roles and package them in shells. shells that hide us from all external defends and worries and sometimes ourselves. and then we change the suit but shell remains. it only becomes stronger.

i talked to Marina about it and in the end i wrote as usually - everything will be great. she replied - everything is already great. but not in the way we want :) i think that for two "vagrants" as we are this is the best statement.

life will show us. So far it is really great. Great to be surrounded by amazing people, great to achieve success, great to talk about zdob zhi zdub with an intern and great to be independent from anything. great to be free and to live :)

we get what we want

2009-02-03T21:50:00.002+01:00

sometimes we think - why is it happening to me?

i asked myself that for the first time when i lived in Germany in my sweet 16. i had an extremely challenging experience but actually it was something i needed to go through.

now my life gives me what i want again. One of my biggest learnings of slovenian experience is that whatever you do it will come back to you. Probably it will be another situation or person but good or bad comes back.

so now i remember how many times my parents had to remain positive when i expressed my moody opinions, i remember how hard it was for many people to adjust with my schedules and wait patiently till i found time for them. at the same time i remember how much people tried and made for me and how much it enriched me and grew me.

dealing with people is the most challenging job. to be strict, to be soft, to be understanding, to be effective. making decisions for many people and basing them on your own values. what is right in the end? and what will we remember from our experiences when we face our own death?

a walk to remember :)

2009-01-27T21:33:00.009+01:00

2 days ago Ljubljana looked like Russia in april. Now it's more winter than in my home. it's snowing, it's marvelous outside and you feel real january.

so only on such a day we decided to go jogging with my hero Diego (look at pictures). wet till knees and trembling from cold sometimes we enjoyed it - we actually live by the ring that is "hugging" Ljubljana and it's a space where people usually do sports. the river (think Ljubljanica) is following the road and you can run, breath, joke and think about life. we did the same loosing ourselves in labyrinths of small houses and streets with tree names - maybe about activating german-speaking skills lately or another option that didn't come before a partnership. it doesn't matter. just carpe diem. true as always :)

gav

2009-01-24T12:16:00.003+01:00

once in Moscow one the way from Bremen back to Ufa i was sitting in alexandrovski sad and got to know 2 random guys. started talking about different oracles and future-viewers and one guy said that he actually had had a business around that topic. he worked as a person who would tell you your future and magic ways of solving problems. i asked him about his clients and he said - well, retired people, young girls and somebody else. i asked if he really had those skills of seeing the future and he just smiled.

another business that works perfectly with old people, poor people and young maximalists is lotteries and all kind of winning whatever. maybe you received something around that in your mailboxes. such mails went through my life as well and this time it was even worse - i started receiving calls and *heart-touching* conversations.

and what i think about it is pretty obvious - ok. some people are not really smart and it's like in an animal world - strong eats the weak one. if you are the second type - bad for you, learn from it.
another side - ok. now imagine some people, especially old people who live for some small money and save every day choosing between buying bread and buying milk. these people do not have anybody to care for them and no capacity to earn good money. yesterday i saw a picture of one old lady selling self-made gloves in the street in Novosibirsk and she had a red face - i guess it's around -40 there now. would you like to do that when your health is bad already and most of your life you worked hard for getting nothing in the end?
and now imagine those smart-asses who come to this lady and tell her she would win a car/house/money and all she needs to do is to reactivate account by sending some money to someone. what would she do? it's just a small investment for huge amount of money. and it's just a month sum that she gets to live. so if she looses it, she looses a month of her life.

another example that was quite popular some time ago was to make a deal with old single people for their apartments. they take care of you and you give them your flat after your death. sounds fair? well-well-well.

and this kind of business will never end. some people still believe in wonder. many people. some people really suffer but they give last money to random creatures as they believe their life will be a heaven afterwards. some people believe that somebody can change their life by doing some magic in the dark room and want to hear only nice things. it's easy to earn on these people. but then in the end all those small money that you get from them cost a life for somebody. and one day you get back everything you did. i believe in it. whatever you do it comes back to you.

so thanks god for giving me good brain enough to be careful and get rid of such situations.

People.

2009-01-20T11:48:00.003+01:00

********** Natasha

sometimes just a chain of coincidences brings you to extraordinary people. people who don't talk and joke with you about day-by-day stuff but the ones who refresh your mind. maybe it was good to be prepared by 6 shots of tequila and to be able to listen and shut up inner ego.

she told me everything. what i know, don't know and don't want to know. she appeared randomly and disappeared in the same way.
such people are like brilliants among your jewelery. you get them for special occasions. just trust them and carpe diem.

*********** My team

another aha-moment of the month - seems that we are fighting with huge challenges. together like a family. and i will fight for each of them - Diego, Marco and Zarko.

*********** MCPe

i have elect. She is awesome.

*********** Women in sport

made my morning.

if i were...

2009-01-14T09:04:00.002+01:00

Ljubljana, morning of 14.01.

It's snowy and all roofs are white as they would be in another side of Europe.
Today is Russian Old style new year. Finally all these new years could be marked as done. All sweets eaten and thanks said.

3 days ago i became 18 for 4th time as Victor said. and i feel this 4th part already. Every day while doing things and understanding how important they might be for other people. getting so much and loosing something. energizing people and being exhausted. making plans happen and staying shy when a coachee LC is singing happy birthday. going up to the mountain and running away from cold.

something important that i learned about this term can be actually marked as "size doesn't matter". there are no big or small countries. there are big things you are doing for the country. and if in the end it's outstanding progress, it means that it was successful.

one more brazilian soon. a boy.

tomorrow that is not here

2009-01-05T21:43:00.004+01:00

in few hours i am leaving home and jump into my chosen last year life for some 5-6 months more.

i am recharged and reloaded. i know i have an amazing home and amazing people around here. i look in the dark window with tones of lights and late cars - the city is more or less calm now as it's almost 2 am. they will have tomorrow here. i was saying good bye to the best lc in the world and they were appointing a meeting for tomorrow. tomorrow that doesn't exist for me here. tomorrow that is waiting for me in Ljubljana.

i was sitting in Lido with several people today and 4 of them are applying for an LCP. and they are w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l. why do i think about it now? because this kind of tomorrow doesn't exist for me as well.

my tomorrow sounds like a dream for some people, like a nightmare for the others. and like my life for me.

i am still not sure about my future and my NY wish was toooo broad. and something that i realized after watching THE film Stiljagi is that everything will finish one day. and this marvelous time called youth will finish at first.

New Year in Russia

2008-12-31T11:54:00.001+01:00

When a catholic pope or pastor Gregor changed the Yulian calendar sometime in 17 century (need to check it) Russia and most ortodoxe countries didn't do that. So maybe from that time on we have some misalignment in religious holidays especially Christmas and Easter. Dates are simply different. And as Ortodoxe people celebrate Christmas after New Year, it is not thaaat special anymore. NY is more precious. At least i think so. As a person who has grown up in a muslim family that celebrates everything, including chinese new years :)))

that was a piece of history.

and now a piece of reality.

Russia faced crisis in the most sad way - a lot of shops have been closed, people are constantly being kicked out of their jobs, news is always depressive (never watched them here). The network of supermarkets Matrix will be closed soon (smth like Mercator in Slovenia). And it's really huge and powerful. i was shocked when i saw empty shelves and then heard some live stories that reminded me 1998 - a black year for Russia and at that time for my family too.

anyways. imagine the mood of the country and last week before New Year. people are running around, buying *stuff* (=something that can be sold only during holidays, as it's useless and for one usage souveniers and so on), buying all food and spending time by hairdressers and other beauty-makers (i followed the crowd and have my hair terribly cut now :( ).

2-1 days before New Year, aka today
People change their casual sad faces into happy ones, they sing and decorate themselves, wish you happy new year. people are not rude, offensive and stressed.

new year itself
looking forward to it because it will be the best night ever. happy people behaving like members of the big family and loving all each other. and noone will think of crisis and other life surprises.

my country is funny. and the words of the famous classic from 19 century are still true - you can't understand Russia you can't measure it, it's a special place and you can only believe in it...

holidays?

2008-12-30T17:53:00.002+01:00

dialouge in my Home LC office:

Rinat introducing me to the newie: this is Aigul, mcp of Slovenia
Newie: woww, did you come here for CEED?
Me: no, i came here for my exams..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sounds random.

i finished with my semester in the uni. well, almost. my sleepless nights for study are over. from now on i have holidays for 4-5 days. still cannot believe in it. and cannot believe, i will be really resting :) in 2008 i had holidays twice - 2 days after IPM in Skopje and 4 days after IC in Brazil. Not bad ;)

how will 2009 look like?

looking for my successor ;-)

2008-12-23T23:01:00.004+01:00

yes. each experience has its frame. i am looking for my successor now. a smart and brave person. a passionate and responsible leader who will continue growing this amazing country that i love so much.

just see what i am living:

or for example Kristina, MCP of Estonia:

she also posted something really amazing in her blog

i actually agree with the words of Nastya (MCP Russia 0708) that if you choose with heart it is definitely your place and i really think that i am in the right place and time.

what will be your place for the next year?

hommme

2008-12-22T08:37:00.003+01:00

i am home!

11 december - Ljubljana/Vienna/Bratislava. +2-3 outside
17 december - Istanbul. +15 and more...
19 december - Moscow. -10 and it's still the day...
20 december - Ufa. -21 and it will be less as winter has just started.

loooooove it! freezing and smiling because faces freeze even faster so you either smile all the time or not.

pictures soon. when i fix internet at home and complete at least 2-3 tests in the uni..

one thing that made my day - email from Neja and her signature - Match with Love. Match with sLOVEnia.

yuuuuuu!

wake me up when my term ends :-)

2008-12-12T22:57:00.004+01:00

i am sitting in MC office of AIESEC Istanbul eating Nougate and my eyes are just closing...

in 2 last days i was in 4 countries. From green Slovenia where i left my big dream and AIESEC family for a while to snowy Austria with its *ach so* instead of slovenian *ah ja* :-)

and then Bratislava in 1 hour, Lenka that was of course in a skirt and with messy hair hugging me and making my day warm and relaxing. There are people that will always love you with all your changes and any mood. and i also have people that i simply love without any if..

and then a new ride again - Letiska (aka Letalisce, Airport) that doesnt excite anymore, Juanca's stories about Colombia and me almost ready to go there right away and sudden aha about opening my own business in the future (think i actually had discussed it a bit with Klara before..) and Black Sea surrounding Istanbul. which means that my country is on another side. It's my second time in Istanbul and so different... Last time i was tired, frustrated, annoyed, disappointed, broke and i had one wish - to go back home and not to think about any trip here again.
this time i am here with people i adore so much and homy atmosphere - Mehmet and Lukas hugging me all the time and calling Aigulochka (Lena, you job??), Devh caring about each detail, Juanca making my eyes bigger with each new story and Barbarita that gives me a feeling of safety.

what more... i feel i am extremely weird. I came to Vienna and understood german and used it. I came to Bratislava and also understood most of the phrases. I came to Istanbul and guess what? i understand something too! i feel the taste of my childhood when i used to speak tatar (my second native language) better than russian... it's also enough to say my name so that people will stop believe me that i am a foreigner here. and this is marvelous. Well, it's clear again - the more languages you know the more countries will give you a feeling of home.

***********************************************************************************
On monday i will speak about our results and many things we didn't achieve. i feel even physically bad about that. How come my country with thousands opportunities couldn't achieve damn 25 exchanges in 3 (and even 6) months when others did 50-70-100...? and then i read Marco's X updates and that was the obvious answer. Which also showed that we were actually smart enough in our focuses in autumn. Focuses on people with right attitude. And i am proud of them and know that 79X is possible.

***********************************************************************************
Nasko is coming in the morning and will wake us up. Bora is coming on sunday. Nastjusha is coming on monday. I am sleeping on the floor with Devh and Lukas in a huge building in front of the indian shop and not far from the sweets shop. Mulla will sing in a mosque again in the morning. and i will think that i wake up in Ufa. MC office here is just a fairy tale. and it's good to be an MCP. Indeed!

Ru in 2 weeks

2008-12-07T00:25:00.006+01:00

people are asking me about my plans for the next year.

no clear idea, people :-) i let my life surprise me as Reto used to say.

for now i have only an idea where i am in 2 weeks. and it is Russia, more precisely UFA, my home city.

it's been more than 6 months that i am not there. Was talking to Rinat today and mentioned that i felt like a dinosaur who would appear there again. Ufa is not a big city for Russia but life is soooo dynamic there that if you miss at least 1 month, you won't recognize things and will be out of life. well i try to be updated but it's not enough, you should live the life.

i am talking to my mom and start being afraid of the moment i see her. my lifestyle changed a lot, i am changing everyday even though the core of me is always in me. we will see of course. and i am also excited how life changed there. and i am sure it changed a lot

Proud of you!

2008-12-05T23:17:00.002+01:00

continuing writing testimonials about people..

this time not about people here. but about people *there*. The ones who are living emotional and dramatic times in Moscow. At NatCo.

i want to write about Rinat, current LCP of Ufa, my home LC. The guy who i recruited once and who has been surprised me a lot since that time! It doesn't matter what he is doing - he will always do it with quality and extraordinary results. He is amazing, he is wise and intelligent. The most ambitious and realistic person i have ever seen in AIESEC maybe. A person whose leadership skills and attitude make me sure - my dearest LC is in good arms. and it's much-much-much better now than it was when i worked there. Because it's all about constant growth and people who lead this LC. People who make you feel proud of them. Every day.

Rinat, you are wonderful! You will be a great MC member of the great country!

(one very random old picture from old LC Ufa times :D)

IAESTE/BEST/EESTEC/AEGGEE/AIESEC in Slovenia

2008-12-05T10:12:00.004+01:00

There are many youth organizations in Slovenia.

we are one of them.

One aha *long* moment that i had last night is about power of communications and being united. we are becoming friends with IAESTE and i am truly amazed by these people. We can and we do learn from them already and we want to give them something that we do better as well. i don't see them as competitors even if they are actually.

i admire their culture - they just gather all together and spend time enjoying and still working smart and bringing good results. they don't make a serious face and say - i am too busy. at the same they work for one goal and do not differentiate each other or count each others money. maybe its also because they are not that complicated as we are. so it's a good point to learn.

i was wondering what is then the image of AIESEC here in Slovenia. and by discussions and reactions of people here i can say that they see us as workaholics who could even sleep in the office if there was such a possibility. Maybe they see us as serious and too cool people who never have time for their networking events and who are in fact arrogant sometimes. and they are right.

good food for thinking eh?

blinks

2008-12-04T09:54:00.003+01:00

my life sometimes looks like a movie of 20-s. One blink - 1 picture, 2d blink - completely another.. and yesterday i was watching that movie of my life with eyes wide opened.

blink 1 - warm coffee and sweet cream at individual meeting with Marco - sitting like a cat and smiling
blink 2 - the most weird legislation ever in my life when you understand the meaning of the phrase on Žarko's cap
blink 3 - dinner with aeggee and many-many girls :)
blink 4 - lights on Prešernov Trg, christmas lights all around and singing christmas songs with my guys
blink 5 - Victor is MCP of Russia.
blink 6 - some strange underground party and talking to Žarko on the way home
blink 7 - kitchen, wine, one of my favorite chocolates and my amazing guys and 2 am on the watches. i think i fell asleep on the sofa right there.

i wish my next blink was Bratislava and Lenka's voice

hugs

2008-12-03T13:14:00.005+01:00

This song is describing all my mood in the recent days..

Barbara left last night. So who will i hug now? :)

anyways my december will be *huggy*... because

* in 1 week i will hug Lena in Bratislava and my brazillian chicks - Barbara again and Leti
* in some 10 days i will hug my Bora and Onur and CEE MCPs in Istanbul
* in 2 weeks i will hug my family and my close people in Ufa

several days ago i received this picture from Lesya. and kept speechless and thankful.

salsa

2008-11-30T19:17:00.003+01:00

i love this dance. i love latino dances in general because here men lead you. otherwise it looks weird. it was so hard for me at the beginning when the only needed movement from me was to follow the man. to do what he wants and smile. it's a truly hard exercise if you are a female mcp :)

just shut up and follow. and then it will be a beautiful dance with all emotions, fun and smiles that you get when you simply trust the person and know he is a master.

small and diverse :)

2008-11-28T10:26:00.002+01:00

i am living interesting times. Almost dying one day and jumping all around another day. Well, garlic, onions, 3 blankets and tea are power :-)

Yesterday we had Alumni Dinner. Some weeks ago i was thinking that when you live in a small country, you already know everything and sometimes everybody :))) so there is nothing new and exciting. Luckily, i was terribly mistaken. In Russia we like to say - we are so big and that is why we are so diverse. And now i am thinking - well, that is not the reason.

So yesterday many of them were here - from 70s to 200-s. In the morning i came up with a thought that i missed people who were more than 50-60 years old, missed conversations with them. And in several hours i just jumped into that generation of 70s in AIESEC Slovenia, people who had amazing experiences and impressive results - 40 outgoing exchanges for one LC in times of Yugoslavia - how do you like it?

Meeting people that you already know and having your internal jokes - would i think that it's so natural and possible? Or telling the girl who was LCP in Maribor in 1971 that i knew her MCP personally and to share her feeling of pride because he was also from Maribor.

Latinamerican corner - Venezuela, Brazil, Peru - and feeling incredibly comfortable with them and agreeing to go to salsa parties together. At Alumni Dinner? My goodness, it can happen only here :)))

AIESEC couples - well, it's always a part of the experience. And it's fun - i met 3 diverse couples - one from 70s (both have different businesses now and are extremely energetic and bright), one from 90s (their LCs were fighting so maybe they found the best solution to stop it:) ), one from 200-s (she was la professora and he was el studianto ;) ) talking to all of them was simply nice and laughing together - watch out girl.

In the end i just enjoyed moments when i had to nod and respond when people talked slovene to me (otherwise i already feel ashamed) and spanish (my god, i know spanish??).

Life. You are the best medicine.

i am not a garbage truck :)

2008-11-25T10:19:00.003+01:00

well i was planning to write about more and more amazing people i meet here. i will. for sure. but first i need to recover. there is snow in Ljubljana and it's amazing! finally i am comfortable with weather and right seasons. even though it's strange sometimes to watch snow on green leafs and see apples on trees. Sweet November is still here :-)

bad thing is that i am really sick. no idea if it's because of sudden cold and snow or because of psychological reasons. i am living a lot of wonderful moments here and at the same time i am the person who people often put in cc and i have to read interesting emails with emotions/frustrations/bitching and other things :-) i think that it can also make you sick.

and then i remember again David Pollay and his garbage truck stuff. yes. i smile and wave :-) but is it enough?

so instead of don't stop me now i want to sing - don't touch me now.

and tonight will be the same procedure like yesterday - tea with aspirin, salad with onions and garlic (*smell like hell* (c) - me), watching movies with Marco in the kitchen and lying under 3 blankets. No time to be pussy.

The No Garbage Trucks!™ Pledge:
"I do not accept Garbage in my life.
When I see Garbage Trucks,
I do not take them personally.
I just smile. I wave. I wish them well.
And I move on.
And I do not spread Garbage to others.
I am not a Garbage Truck!
I do not accept Garbage in my life."
© 2007 David J. Pollay

relax and value

2008-11-21T22:45:00.008+01:00

woooh.

sometimes it's just good to read blogs of your fellow MCPs (especially international) to realize that your experience is not that unique - it's just a unique MCP experience that gives and takes a lot.

well it doesn't mean that everything is different now. Reality is still same. What is different is my attitude that can actually change the reality. I was preparing leadership day today and discovered that i am actually not a bad leader at all :D maybe the best thing is to relax now. and just keep going. It's like my aha moment when i talked to guys in the kitchen about my first experience playing bowling. My team won after my friend and me had drunk a shot of something strong and scored all goals. we were simply relaxed and enjoyed the process..

the only thing i cannot change is my attitude to people who i don't trust because of some negative experiences in the past. sorry. i don't know if i should worry about it.

So one thing is to relax. And another thing is to value each second with people around. And recognize them.

People that made my previous days:
Kostik (love you too!), Denis (you are wise, yes-yes-yes), Stepa (perfect and adorable cheburashka, no - čeburaška in slovene way), Cata and Malina (just by reading your blogs), Katoo (not sleepy in the office at 21.00 anymore)), Nastya (for being honest about female leadership, for putting my nose into truth and caring of @Ru), Masa (for cute guys concept hehe), Olka (i will hug you soon in Ufa) and Bozidar. well let me tell you more about this last personality more detailed.

So Bozidar, VPX of Ljubljana, joined AIESEC in august or in september.
An extremely fashioned and sophisticated person who makes even me worry about how i look when he enters the room. The person who dedicates a lot of time and energy for his work in AIESEC and who is totally responsible for the role he took and who never ever told me that he is lacking in knowledge and experience. He just asks, looks for information and does the work with passion. A person who will always finish his work even if he is tired and sleepy. and the one who fits to his team in a best way.

Admire you, man! you are not arrogant at all, but just honest and direct. A person who will never play and always be real. A deep personality with the rich inner world that you can discover only by getting a person better day by day. Mature and calm guy who will solve any issue by click. In an elegant and easy way :)

about življenje

2008-11-19T22:44:00.002+01:00

its always about small things that make you feel that things you are doing are right. we had a dinner with Nika, our EP that goes for a 1-year internship. And i am so curious how it will change her and which value it will add to her life. There are some talks now about quality vs quantity which make me surprised a bit - here we strive to increase the quantity of these amazing life-changing experiences and we care about each. so there is no discussion for me about Q vs Q :-)

*****
reading emails of my russian MC team today - Nastya is in Morocco developing LCs, Katia going to Kenya to chair the conference, Marina, fully latinized :)))) and then talking to people on skype who are applying to the russian MC. People, you will definitely love your year.

*****
This restaurant and music that moves me. The culture and continent that attract me and come to me with dreams, people, smells and of course dances. i want to put on my red skirt, grab a bottle of tequila, take off my shoes and go with salsa steps. But first i need to finish my university (rrrr...), show up at home and together with my AIESEC Slovenia team make an outstanding progress in this country. I love it. življenje je lepo. each second. i breath it with winter cold and keep it in my gloves. thank you my colorful, wonderful life.

Countdown

2008-11-17T22:49:00.003+01:00

today i put on my warmest jacket and found russian coins in both pockets. it's time to go home. 32 days if my mom manages to buy the ticket tomorrow. ticket that you can buy only in Russia :) so countdown has almost started.

and before that it will be Istanbul, the city that once changed me sooooo much and made me the one who i am now. Magic city, where people threat me as a turkish girl and touch my cheeks like elder brothers. Warm city of my 3 beloved guys - Bora, Mehmet and Onur, all in one mc flat and of course CEE MCPs, my dear people. and again - if i manage to *buy* this free ticket. One way ticket :)

today i understood that nothing can kill your best feelings as indifference. the rest - who cares? :) just smile and wave. (that training of David Pollay at IPM was sooo to the point. i realized that just now...)

rumba, salsa

2008-11-17T00:59:00.003+01:00

this lyrics is completely alligned with me now. sorry that its in russian and sorry that i wont translate it.

thank you Kostik. thank you Marija for taking me up to Smarna gora and thank you all amazing funny guys who transformed from shy european guys into latino machos for an hour/and a half :) actually i should have put another music and another singer. but this one is singing about something that is inside me and hopefully is getting out.

as for this macho-leading thing - give me time i will write about it later. i am positively challenged again :)))

wake me up when november ends...

2008-11-15T20:26:00.003+01:00

Zarko is in Bulgaria, Diego is in Latvia, Adi and Marco are sick. I am sitting in my small room with 15 cents and freezing as there is no proper heating. and..

for the first time in my life here i really miss my home. and want to be there.

for the first time here i don't want to smile, be flexible and not offended when people offend me.

for the first time here i want to take off the masks from people and see their real faces.

for the first time here i am thinking what is the sense of explaining my parents that i cannot come earlier and leave later. and i am asking as they are - why do you need to be there? yeah, we simply don't value this parent's love, love of the only people who do that without conditions and anything else. they just love and keep the pain of being ignored inside of them.

for the first time here i don't want to listen to complains but just let people do whatever they want. it's their life and their experience.

for the first time here i don't want to accept the attitude and receive favours when people meet me because "they have time". and want to be with people who really need me but they are simply far away.

for the first time i want to close my eyes and open them in Bakalinskaya, 66/4-39. But first i need to go through leadership day, budget for the 2d half of the term, legislation, boa, alumni dinner, barca visit, komisp and cee mcpms + tones of other things.

1 month. countdown started :-)

elder brother or big sister

2008-11-15T15:47:00.003+01:00

was talking to Doris now and again got aha moment.

people have elder brothers, sisters, cool examples that they follow. i am the only child in my family. some people say it makes you selfish and not able to be mature and independent enough. well it might be true. i always dreamed of having an elder brother. but obviously it's easier to get a younger one and it was not up to me anytime :)

and yeah. i am the oldest grandchild for both my grandparents, i have been always a role-model and an example for others. and actually never saw someone ahead and thought - i want to be like him or her. never. i had my mistakes and my learnings.

and true. now in AIESEC i am a role-model again. cause there is no other way. and have noone again who could be an example for me. and somehow it's natural. AIESEC is actually a fun place for me - i was mainly the youngest person in different teams, even now i am younger than most aiesecers here but i never felt that. so maybe these talks about single children being immature and dependent are mainly assumptions of people who never knew what it means when you don't have anyone to put your head on the shoulder and be attached to. i don't know if it's good or not. it's just my life that i didn't choose.

big machine

2008-11-14T18:41:00.003+01:00

News from Russia feed me with more thoughts...

Leša is going to military. shit.
Julia's daughter is almost 1 year old and i never sent her congratulations with birth of her child..
There won't be RD position in the russian MC next year. good luck.
Vic is applying for MCP. just shocked..
Rinat is applying for MC. just happy.
Lena is getting more mature and wise. no idea how i feel about it.

you are right girl. things sometimes go around us but not through us. sometimes we act and think like machines and do not hear the sound of bones down them. we are not touched when people talk about their families or personal challenges. even now when Blaž called me from Moscow and talked about his father's death. i just didn't want to hear that.

Martin had birthday during SIMS and i didn't do anything about that. even later. and i am not replying Florian's emails. just no time. aha aha

My heart is beating but i don't want to think of it. and yes. today is a special day for me. today one year ago it stopped beating. i chose another path.

Mama mia

2008-11-14T01:18:00.006+01:00

i had a lot of moments in AIESEC Slovenia when i thought - omg, what is this? it should be in a different way. i didn't get sometimes that it was just another way. or the way that could be changed.

and now i feel it and smile
- hugs at SIMS (when people all around say that slovenians are reserved and shy in general and for me it's true comparing to my country. but they hug in aiesec! that's unbelievable!)
- mc flat that became a host and place for everyone to come and enjoy - yes, we do love visitors!
- giving Diego my last money and almost coins because he is going to Riga and has less then me. and feeling that it's natural because it is!
- pictures/status changes/comments in facebook - so i am moving from vkontakte.ru there.

and i really feel like a mother of this big amazing family now - commenting the picture, asking about allocation, replying Marco in msn and wishing the rain stop for him, hugging Diego and giving him typical *mommy wise words* for the trip and worrying about Zarko who doesn't write a lot.

at the same time do i care about my own mama?

planning life?

2008-11-11T13:06:00.004+01:00

was reading emails in my Home LC group.

congratulations with the first snow. man, it's november and it's snowy! 10 centimeters of snow in my Ufa... an email from Mansur and his question - where do you plan to live/work/have a family? i am always damn smart to answer diverse questions but these kind of questions always make me speechless. it's not smart to say - i have no clue, dear. and it's not honest to say - here and there and that's it. did i plan a year ago that i would walk along Adriatic in a t-shirt on 9 of November? that i will wake up and listen to slovenian talks on the street and feel usual. did i plan i would live with 4 men from 4 countries in one flat? did i plan to do so many things i am doing now?

of course planning is great. and i have my vision of life and what i want to do and to achieve. i know what i appreciate and how i want to make my life an amazing story to enjoy and be happy with. i just cannot say where, what and with who. otherwise it's a boring manual.=)

today is a day off... today is a cold day. and today i got one more email from Lena, my successor in MC Russia with her promise to write about REC, russian SIMS that was going on last weekend as well. and i feel nostalgic and happy about my past and thoughtful about my future. life is amazing. and it's the reality that we make in our mind and dreams. we will never be the same but some things will be always same in our life. one of them is the song of DDT, a legendary rock-group from my home city. the song that connects me with so many moments of my life.

growing in international environment

2008-11-11T12:16:00.004+01:00

7-9 November - SIMS in Ankaran, Slovenia

53 new members, around 10 old members, 11 facis, 6 OC, 4 partners, some alumni and the best chair in the world Ryan. 12 countries in one place. International environment and Italy on another side of Adriatic sea.

The conference that gave me more than i had expected. This damn milestone that cost sleepless nights, courage to implement a new concept, all resources to make it outstanding and a lot of risks. and we grew.

some moments that will never go out of my mind:

*external day and the guy from ObS talking basically about the realization of his dream. in slovene so i am not sure i got everything. but you can feel happy people by the way they talk, by the shine in their eyes.

*listening how one group was making an aiesec presentation and feeling proud of those people.

*dancing with Bozidar. simply adore this person.

*jokes and laughter in the faci room, their stories and professionalism.

*few minutes on Adriatic on the last day and remembering Ohrid. somehow i felt the same

*being the only person who shared why i am proud of being slovenian. weird, strange but that's reality.

*Ryan's hugs and his words during GV. i really needed to hear that. Ryan telling me how much i changed after our last meeting in Novosibirsk. and Ryan's *simple things*.

*Klara after my last session and her words. remember each..

*confirming friends in facebook and reading "we love you aigul, we do.."

my key learning points

-> the higher you climb, the harder it is, and the more people will love or hate you
-> so there are always people who love you or hate you. it's normal. what matters is that you have a vision, focus and people that work and grow with you. the rest is just following you but it's not in you.
-> maturity and commitment are the keys to success.
-> i am proud of my team, of my guys. and i feel ok showing it. they grow a lot. my outstanding team is courageous, smart, it never buys fights but focuses on what is important and builds instead of destroying. thank you, Adi, Diego, Marco and Zarko!
-> statuses and positions matter. And people have specific expectations which are often contradictory. But somehow i managed to be myself. to smile when i wanted to smile, to express what i wanted to express (not all the time but..), to recognize what i wanted to recognize and not to recognize what didn't deserve to be recognized.
-> we can make outstanding progress only being one country and one team. we won't make it if we keep fighting, complaining or behaving like children. and i see a lot of maturity and healthy ambitions in new members, i see development of EBs and awesome environment around which only says - do it, make it, use me and impact on me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hvala AIESEC Slovenia. every day you give me a huge development, tones of challenges and make me stronger. and i really feel attached to you. a part of you. so gremo na success!

language2 :-)

2008-11-04T22:15:00.004+01:00

yesterday i had a kind of MCPM for slovenian offices of global youth organizations like BEST, IAESTE, EESTEC, AEGEE and so on. i saw even an organization for dentists ... here in Slovenia we have an organization KOMISP that coordinates them. So imagine me at the mtg where i am the only foreigner and the whole mtg is in slovene. was really nice when 3 guys offered me to translate so then Ziga was doing that (which was funny, cause from time to time he just forgot or didn't catch some important things and once the guy from this KOMISP board just came to us and asked kindly to shut up :D).

and tadam.... then there was a moment where we presented ourselves and our activities, expectations, blabla. i started preparing my speech immediately in slovene. and then i made the speech for around 5 minutes catching big eyes of people around and shoked faces. and then in 10 seconds after i finished that speech people started applauding. and afterwards they came and talked and my goodness it was so nice.

i discovered one organization that i got to know first in Germany much deeper last night. It's IAESTE. amazing people, quality experiences and mexican-iranian stories that brightened my evening in companheros with 3 shots of tequila and smart-smart talks that i love so much.

and today discovering cooperation opportunities with BEST right away, showing Ljubljana to Blagi with *and we in Slovenia*, *and we, slovenians* :D

i am. aren't you citizens of the countries you live in now?

100 changes in Q4 :-)

2008-11-02T15:03:00.008+01:00

consequences of economic crisis for AIESEC Slovenia are a bit of awful. and i think we are living interesting times, when we should think and act in an extraordinary way to achieve success. so we move on and there is no step back!

yesterday i ran TtT for 5 people, 4 of them were slovenians. finally! at the same time i would call it international training :-) just remembered my TtTs in Russia when it was hard but necessary to say no to applicants, because it had to be limited. once i even had a problem with the person afterwards. here it took efforts to bring people to the training and kill the saturday, be flexible etc, but as i see by outcomes, it was worth it. i feel the spirit of aiesec in Slovenia :-) and it's not only about that..

i feel the spirit of enjoyment when Adi cooks romanian national dish and all people around mess up and make jokes. i feel the spirit of living today when we go out and play bitches-bitches in the bar using slovenian words. i laughed and cried (sooo funny it was) twice yesterday and felt life. i felt life when people started hugging me after the training day and talking to me about AIESEC related things. i was avoiding that in Russia but here i just love it. and i got amazing ppt from my 007 MCP Nastya and it brought me back to the nostalgic and achievements mood.

well, we didn't achieve 10 in October. External situation seems to be like a female mood :-) but i know we will do that. with these people i am sure.

AIESEC, love, love in AIESEC

2008-10-30T00:49:00.004+01:00

i used to think about these 2 connected things. Especially when AIESEC influences on the other thing. after talking to Nastja on the back of her car i realized that after i joined this organization i was always in love with people who were somehow connected with AIESEC - members (especially the ones who are from other cities and later countries), alumni, interns (yes, i imagine Ufa people are smiling now - this part took 2.5 happy, hard and amazing years of my life). of course i was amazed by other people as well but seriously it was only aiesecers. Is that because of the profile of people we have here? because of selection when we in fact take those people who are similar to us and it's not only about competency model :-) or maybe because these people will understand you most when you are completely into work you do and spend sometimes 20 hours per day for that, when you have shared dreams and are interested in same issues.

i don't have any concrete answer. but i think it's mainly about the social environment that we have around us. which is packaged in AIESEC here.

life is interesting.

castles.wine.stories.communism.life

2008-10-26T10:55:00.004+01:00

in my previous post i mentioned that my life is soap opera sometimes. nope. not anymore. i calmed down with this part of it. now my life is like an adventure movie. like something where you try to find reasons-consequences but there is simply no logic. things happen as they happen :)

Maribor was nice. there supposed to be a local seminar on saturday but noone came. so i grabbed girls, Nasko, the bulgarian erasmus student that i raised for AIESEC one day before and we were talking about aiesec way in the kitchen of the dorm and eating chocolate. and i really miss these aiesec conferences. but whatever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
yesterday was simply and amazing day. first i talked to Alois - the slovenian guy who lived most of his life in Austria because his family had big-big issues with the government after the revolution. my goodness, it made me remember immediately about the history of my family that was pretty reach before october 1918 and that was left without even a home and clothes when soviet power came to the country. and what is really impressive is that my family managed to earn for the new house and get sustainability in a short time after that... to loose it again. i think the idea is very simple - a lot of people love communism times as they got everything from the government whose main source was someone's property. that means that you deserve being cared just because you are born. you get everything for granted. but you can never strive to achieve more. because then you loose it. so no surprise why i don't like when people put soviet anthem in the office and talk about a great dude Stalin. the only picture that i see at these moments is my family - my grandgrandgrandfather, his pregnant wife with several more children and suddenly no home. twice. just because they worked a lot and wanted to have a better life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ptuj. Maribor at weekends.
i was ready to go back to Ljubljana yesterday actually. Hitchhiking again. looking for more stories. but i called Janni and Ales and went to Ptuj - the oldest slovenian city. that was awesome. even though all these castles start looking same for me, this city is one more cute, small and sweet place to be. and guys made my saturday evening-night even more crazy than i could make - taking to all those nice places, bringing to the farm which is closed for usual visitors and trying home-made wine - one of the best i have ever tried, bringing me to the place, where all maribor people spend their weekends if they are from maribor (imagine, that they close all shops and even restaurants on sunday. the reason - there are no people, all of them are at home with their families. i was always wondering - but what if your family is in maribor? :) ). now i know ;)
and then we almost went to Zagreb in the midnight but thanks god we didn't. guys, thank you so much and sorry for being slow and serious sometimes.

life.

it takes some bad to value good?

2008-10-23T21:24:00.006+02:00

i think that balance by all means is a necessary thing. i always write about nice friendly slovenian people and close my eyes and mouth when i meet the opposite. and it helps to move on. it helps when people threat you in a quite weird way and you think why but there is no answer. maybe it's really easier to lead an extension in Africa or one of MENA countries, start from 0 than from a specific culture that was formed here long time ago. for example you count money and see 20 euros as a final sum till god knows when and then hear that you can come to the city but you should find a place to sleep or go to the hostel. the reason to go there is work. good luck yeah. today i found money on the street and took it. and today i did things that i usually don't in my normal life.

so today i actually went to the city. hitchhiking. saved 7 euros, 1/3 of my current budget. and the trip was amazing-amazing. it started with a poster near Sava river where i was extremely shy and funny (i guess) and then was taken by guys who didn't speak english at all. the most interesting for me was Zedek from Bosnia who showed me all wonderful places on the way to the place and even spent his time showing me a castle in Celje and bringing to the place that wasn't his destination. he told me about Bosnia, how he was mobilized for the war, about his life here. i don't think i understood everything but what was the most crucial is that people are indeed great here. and that i will definitely go to Bosnia one day and visit all balkan countries. not one day but soon. i always admire people who can give all themselves for people. to make someone's day.

and for rare meetings with this kind of people i agree to live with the others. you should experience bad to value good. and thanks god i experience more good and see good in bad.

price of fame

2008-10-22T15:33:00.002+02:00

this is funny how presence of one person can make these nice, polite friendly people so rude, nervous and emotional. this person is Queen Elizabeth II. i have never seen soooo many people in the center of Ljubljana before. people were running, screaming, taking pictures and getting crazy

and at one moment i started thinking about the price that the queen pays for this attention. can she walk around the cities she visits? can she enjoy silence and freedom of making spontaneous things? can she just disappear and find out creative ways to travel? meet new and diverse people who will tell her stories? be challenged? have unexpected cases?

i don't know how these people feel. but from what i perceive and see. it's not the one i would like to have now in my life.

Ljubljana today

such a different colourful world

2008-10-21T11:59:00.003+02:00

i think this year i am bringing too many colours to my life. and its a chain - you start doing something and then it comes to you and goes around like a snowball. the happier you are the happier is the whole world around.

my brightest color right now is people. sounds ordinary, but none of these people around is ordinary. each person is a big story. it can be a Hollywood's movie, can be a romantic story, a documentary, a drama or soap opera like me sometimes :-)

i started realizing it in Maribor when i was alone for the whole week and had to make my environment or die from silence :-). and i started inch by inch - just coming to people and talking, calling alumni and being simply amazed - Stane, alumni of 70s, MCP in AIESEC Yugoslavia - 2 hours of a very quality conversation and even scary moments for me; Sabina - always direct and smart, the one who makes me believe in this country by her example when it's hard; Blaz - yes, now you are russkij too, very warm and nice person with a big love to my country and crazy ideas and that randomness that i like a lot in people; Aleš and Janni - have laughed soooo much with them.

and then what i see all the time - faces,faces, faces. new names, calls on mobile and voices that i hardly recognize, people who grab me at night in clubs/halls/kitchens/trains/... and share-share-share, talking several hours when it's really hard to stop and say - i have to sleep now, i wake up in 4-5 hours. People that support. People that care. People that make things smart and easy. People that i admire and also care somehow in my way (i try :-) ). this is my environment.

my environment is colourful. and stories too. maybe that is the reason why i chose journalism when i was 17. i only didnt understand that you can listen to the stories without having this specific diploma.

rich?

2008-10-19T23:43:00.002+02:00

i am the 889,211,740 richest person in the world. hmm.

and belong to 14% richest people in the world. with my salary which is less than minimum of standard life in Slovenia with frequent sorries for myself and all other bullshit. 14% of richest people...

i remember what Sabina said once about her life in Ghana. i think i have a wealthy life comparing to her life there. comparing to 86% of the world.

and i feel so challenged now.

want to check it?

http://www.globalrichlist.com/

the language

2008-10-19T15:47:00.002+02:00

of course i was aware that official language of Slovenia is slovene and not any another :-) of course slovene is easier for me than let's say hungarian or arabic :-)

but still there are so many moments when i wish badly that i understood everything - some hot discussions at legislation when people just go into slovene, aiesec presentations for students when i need to know each single word, even talking to people in groups to understand these jokes and everything. i know that the easiest way to make it is just to jump into culture. i did. just for 2 weeks and it helped a lot. but i still see that people are scared talking english to me and i cannot have quality slovene conversations with them. but one conclusion that i made is definitely true - learn the language of the country where you live. learn it and you will be surprised how easy a lot of things go, how nicer you feel and how more people you have around.

on the other hand what makes me really amazed is the fact that sooooo many people here speak english. old, young, phds, factory workers - doesn't matter. and it's truly awesome.

but anyways. learn the language of the country you live in! no excuses, no whatever should be acceptable. just learn it.

Katjusha :)

2008-10-18T21:30:00.002+02:00

it's a very nice russian song. i would even say a soviet song. here i discovered that not only russian anymore :)))

Slovenian way (at Blaz bye bye party):

hungarian way (erasmus guy in Maribor):

Russian way:

Cosmo life ;-)

2008-10-18T20:56:00.005+02:00

i was always wondering why i like these kind of magazines. is it just the way to relax and get away from reality or another way of making a reality happen? who said that female magazines are silly? they at least can make you smile :)

(russian and lituanian versions)

(A picture for my mom who sent me 2 of these magazines)

(when men start reading cosmo one day...)

Graz/Gradec :)

2008-10-13T08:29:00.005+02:00

the harder it is the more you learn and develop. love it. have i ever written here that i can't stand people who complain all their life? and that we should care of people who we love a lot? i think i like to say such kind of things but never give opposite examples. it was saturday morning when i had a strong feeling of going back to Ljubljana. There were many reasons for that. but what i did was extremely interesting - i wrote sms to Carlos, took a train and went to Graz. This mexican boludo is coaching an LC that is closer to Maribor than Ljubljana :) i learned how to organise my professional life. but never learnt and never want to organise my personal life. and its actually ok as those weekends i was so much myself that i wanted to sing and dance realizing that fact.

1 hour in a train, my lovely german language all around, confusions, Carlitos with his pureness, huge office of LC Graz and scary requests from austrian mc guys - can you make a motivational speech for the lc meeting and then a training for tomorrow about leadership?. and then Matthias (ex LCP) that i remember from turkish IC, again 4 guys+ around me, caipirinha made by austrian guy using vodka (that was produced in France) and unbelieveable Romana - 1 in a million woman! and then Carlitos talking to me in spanish and reading cosmo in russian. my god.

and then moments, so called aha when i start my favourite stuff - reflecting:

- man, i am again in Austria. Venice and Zagreb are closer and cheaper to get, but i am always in Austria. what is so special in this part of Europe that life throws me there?
- pieces of conversations with Karoline and her excitement of being an internal auditor in ai. And other financers that somehow make me feel that it's an enjoyable work to do. and they are sooo diverse.
- Graz is a big city for me now. Oooops. =)
- of course i started comparing 2 countries and realized how happy i am to live in Slovenia. I felt terrible in the club when people smoked like crazy, i had headache because of too much noise outside :D, some other things and attitudes. and i am afraid now to go to Ufa and live bigger shocks.
- german, swiss, austrian. njam njam. i don't know why, have no clue what is special in them, but it's something i cannot change.
- mcp experience is transforming me a lot.how exactly - ask me personally :-)

Maribor - the city of nice people, wine and purple

2008-10-09T09:04:00.005+02:00

so i am here in Maribor getting to know the culture of an opposite to Ljubljana city. Well, you know these fights of 2 biggest cities in any country or region ;) - Moscow and St Pete, Warsaw and Krakow, Bejing and Shangai, Ufa and Sterlitamak in my region.

and it's pretty funny. You cannot say zivijo in Maribor, people will think that you are one of zabari (frogs) from Ljubljana, they say zdravo. Maribor people have tonnes of wine and drink it as crazy. People love the city and most of them are from Maribor. And yeap, their color is purple, so i fit here with my style.

any features?

i live in the dorm for now alone in the room waiting for Monika. Anyways i don't spend time alone (first i was scared a bit), her dorm is really crazy. Actually this thing with the dorm made me reflect about my life again..
There are features of each life period in human beings life. Like when you are a teen, you should at least once come back at 7 am instead of 11 pm, get drunk as there is no tomorrow, color your hair in green, become a fan of a rock group and whatever. When you are a student you should live in the dorm and experience this special life, party once at least 2-3 nights in a row, have a shitty job and live with 1 euro for a week. and i feel that this student part of my life was missing. I lived with my parents in Ufa, had a crappy job, but it was a privilege comparing to others, never had big money challenges. And on 28th day of my first year in the uni i joined AIESEC...=) of course i lived apart from my parents for a long period, but it was always a house or mc flat where we had smart talks and even parties were kind of smart :)

so here this week in Maribor i finally gained this never lived experience. when every evening starting from 8 pm (or maybe earlier as i come back at 8 only?) they start these kitchen parties, play harmonica and drink just a LOT. and next day it's same. In case of Maribor i am wondering how much wine they have. every night they drink several canistras of home-made wine. and as students they just enjoy life, each other, party hard and next day discuss last party and gather all the time together. nice relaxing life=) i enjoyed it for 2-3 days and realized that it would not be my life in any case. simple as that :)

what else?
today we finally started promotion with LC Maribor, i gathered them all yesterday, it's a completely different coach experience that i ever had in my life, i shared my experience with 200 students today in the morning and was really curious who of them will be our member. AIESEC is never never boring. Especially when you explain TM processes to the person in german, when you go to the top of the mountain with ex LCP at night and breath the city, when you get sweet messages from Slovakia with questions if everything is ok and when you speak the language that you didn't learn in any course. i love it and live it.

broken and renewed

2008-09-29T23:24:00.002+02:00

yesterday i broke one more earing. it became a tradition - to break earings.

i was reading emails from MCPs today and thinking of IC. That i was a bit envious seeing goals of 600 something EPs and 900 something TNs of one country, i was envious to see that another country is developing 3 extensions. and then i read emails of MCPs of those countries where they inform that they resigned. well most of the times you cannot know all the truth and reality. but it still looks scary. and i hate politics even if it was not about that. so maybe, Nicolae, it's a question for your question about autumn. why does it happen??

i was chatting with Nastya and got an amazing ppt with paradise gardens from her. And then another email of my mom came to my mind - where she commented one picture with the only word: malaiki. and today i realized - mom, again and again you are right. and then something small happened and something broke inside and i made it clear for myself - i do not care anymore. about what? i won't tell you this part but it's something that i should not have focused that much. i just lost my time. they will understand it. just a bit later. maybe it will be too late. but not harmful for anyone. and i definitely don't care about it :)

so now i am really becoming this wise stara macka (read as "muchka"). and again accidentally i started speaking slovene today. this time with the accent of Prekmurje. should go there and check if the guy was right. but i will remember this day. it was too natural to call it random.

and October is Maribor. October is Bosnia. And October is Sabina. Finally. October is new life and breath for this wonderful city. And maaaaybe a border with Austria and Graz :) well, things happen for a reason. *where i am there is no limit...*

Outstanding legislation, trains, tears and light

2008-09-27T21:30:00.003+02:00

woke up after a strange short sleep on the sofa in the kitchen with a pen between my fingers and my very personal diary in front.

what happened?
first thing - this outstanding legislation when everything went in such a smart, smooth and cooperative way - the moment when i realized - this vision and these dreams are not just on papers and fancy ppts. they started coming true. in each word they say, in each idea behind those words. when they say what you think and when you say and see this shine in eyes.

second thing - tears. and answer to the question i was looking for the last week. not my tears. not my answer. their answer. they teach me how to go back to the core, how to make the best of what is inside and surround myself with it (yes, Ira, now i got it). They are my girls. My Ps - Irena, Klara and Monika. My Fs - Ursa and Nastja. Aren't tears a strength? why did i stop crying and when did i cry for the last time? and why anytime i want to do that i just don't do that? no clue..

third thing - trains. their smell and atmosphere. something that i miss here and try to enjoy every time i am in. trains and darkness, lights of the houses outside, talks about getting to the sweet home and being lost - home? where is home? it was the dorm, it was siska, it was brazil. what is really a home? my flat in Ufa or Mokrska 37? what does it mean to go home? to ride a bike for 20 mins, passing the Presernev Trg, 3 bridges and sweet Ljubljanica or getting several emails on friday from Ufa with 2 sentences in each - when are you coming back? we are waiting for you.
and right now i don't want to leave this country. even for 3 days for Bosnia, even for any conference where i could have applied. as i said today my biggest regret for this role and term is that i came so late. and now i feel that time is flying so fast and i still have sooo much to give, sooo much to do and there is no enough time but i should do that. without overcomlicating and overthinking. but just doing what is right and what is best. and who said it's easy? i am only a bit afraid with changes in my personality and this strong transformation. and going back to the core again i remember how i started my transformations in aiesec - being extremely scared but doing things. jumping into darkness as i used to say. jumping there and finding the light. the light that warms you up in these cold days :)

Andy, Andre, Andryusha :-)

2008-09-26T00:00:00.006+02:00

once someone told me - we in AIESEC know how our life will look like and have long-term plans but we have no clue what will happen with us next year.

sure. i barely can imagine now where my life path brings me next year. but i definitely know that in October of 2010 (10.10.10) i will be in Brasilia :-) and my job will be organizing a wedding for the bastard that i love so much. well if not a wedding than this bachelor party. i think i mentioned several times that my life makes a man of me :-)

well. what can i say? i am very happy, very jealous, very excited just to hear that my dear loves someone so much that already plans honeymoon and that she still doesn't know that she will marry :)

i love you man. and thank you for making my days, for being so sincere with me and being yourself. my real teddy bear :)

and why did i mention aiesec part here? well, it's very simple. it's not only my BIG friend, but it's an intern for AIESEC Ufa 2 years ago, my awesome intern who came to Ufa in January when we had a coldest night at that winter (-38 degrees) wearing almost nothing, my challenging intern who cost me so many nerves and personal development, my wonderful Andrjusha who brightened my days sitting on the floor by my bed when i was ill, my teddy bear who always threated me as a guy and was always honest and direct.

you are amazing.

autumn comes with

2008-09-23T09:54:00.003+02:00

* pain in throat and wet eyes
* nights in socks, pullovers and double blankets which is not enough
* scarfs that are choice number 1 in shops
* emails to mum with heavy requests
* nostalgic mood and sad smiles
* emails from friends telling that someone close to them died.
* tea with honey and apples
* chats in skype
* sadness that results are still far from goals
* calmness

*preference of wine in hands and suits around in a calm atmosphere rather than beer and colorful people around with loud music.

why is the last one here? is it autumn or something different? but definitely i felt more comfortable in a first scenario.

do i want summer back? no! :-)
autumn is maturity for me
autumn is change
autumn is evolution
autumn is quality

la vita which is bella.

Finance=)

2008-09-19T21:00:00.002+02:00

this picture came to my mind yesterday.

September 2004.
Selection Interview with Grisha (LCP of Ufa at that time) and Sveta (MCP of RuBeK). I was joining AIESEC. Interview was nice and i didn't feel nervous. And then Sveta asked me - what will you do if you have to do the job you don't like and you don't want to. I said - well i will try to find something interesting in it what will appeal to me and develops me. Since that time i was mainly doing the job i loved.

And now i am responsible for finance. Finance in the Republic of Slovenia. Great man. Yesterday we were issuing invoices for the first time and they were in slovene, today i went to the bank to pay bills and filled the papers and what - the ladies there didn't speak english. and what - i started speaking slovene suddenly. I said - i want to pay the bills - in a pure slovene. i don't remember who was scared more at that moment. and i have no clue how i managed that. i just knew that i must do that.

so what about something interesting and developing me in finance? for now i have no clue. But i already see that i became more accurate and structured. i can imagine what people in the bank think of me. and i value that they help a lot. i value help of all people who help me with finance. And especially Nastja.

hvala lepa! Finance is fine, finance is fancy :)

some historical hint about my country

2008-09-17T22:29:00.007+02:00

today i was discovering hundreds of big folders from previous years (of AIESEC Slovenia of course).

something that i found and still cannot close my mouth is following pictures. even if you dont speak slovene you will understand. it's year 1997.

but it's a fun part. i read some other parts which made me completely confused about how some people that were on high positions actually joined aiesec. and why. and why did people kick out others.
i tried to match aiesec values with them and failed. it was a situation that happened also in one of my LCs in Russia last year. but that time i had a visit there and made all possible and impossible to clean the dirt and prevented more dirt. Diego now shared same thing about his own lc. i was trying to think - why? do these people think what kind of harm they make by doing such kind of things? especially when they are done in a very bad way?
firing people is not something awful. it's reality and healthy when it's reasonable. but kicking out people which is a result of political games is crap. it's not aiesec. it's not human.

just looking now at people who did such kind of things and what they are doing now in life. yeap, it's same - you can talk a lot but if the mouth is the only working part of your body then i am sorry for you.

anyways i am happy that AIESEC Slovenia is becoming healthy and really smart. I guess today was one of my happiest days here in terms of work. because it was all for LCs and from LCs. The rest doesn't matter that much :)

you know that you live in Slovenia when...

2008-09-17T10:23:00.002+02:00

...=)

have never seen this stuff about Slovenia that's why i will write my version.

so when do you know and feel that?

*when the place with 50 000 people living there is a CITY and capital of 250 000 is a huge city
*when you use the map to find a place and always go a lot further because distances are understood in a different way
*when you think of swimming and can reach Adriatic in 1.5 h, think of climbing and reach Alps in 1 h, think of going to caves and can reach lots of them in 1 h, think of SPA and can reach it anywhere. and its all in one country!
*when you see a lot of happy old people that can speak english with you!
*when you go out on friday/saturday night and it's silent (maybe because of summer)
*when you fill hundreds papers to get something simple
*when you are full with food but it's just half of the lunch
*when wine for 2 euros is extremely tasty and good (checked on cee and wena mcps :D)
*when you walk at night alone and in a skirt and it's not dangerous at all
*when you leave your wallet-bag-whatever and wherever and noone will steal it
*when you listen to slovenian national music and really enjoy it
*when you enter the bus and the driver tells you - don't pay, this week it's for free
*when you can buy a cheap and good bike and reach a lot of places because they carry about bikers
*when you get an extra desert in the restaurant and people try to talk to you in your native language
*heh=) when you say you are russian and noone looks at you scared but interested and smiley
*when people smile all the time and help you
*when you go around and can't take your eyes of the view
*when you admit that women are very beautiful here and don't feel envious for that ;)

any other questions why this country is so marvelous?

hm

2008-09-16T11:47:00.002+02:00

people find time to stick their noses in others work. but they barely find time to do their own job. maybe because its easier. we say that you see each small detail in someone's eyes but you don't even notice a tree in your own. and when you should start working you of course don't have time but you have thousands excuses. i remember how i saw once a guy (kind of aiesecer) at our first legislation. and never ever before or later. never working for aiesec. but actively participating in legislation discussions. i remember Mateja being with us almost all Kick off giving suggestions, sharing how it was last year and looking for smart solutions. I won't even comment it :)

another thing - i believe that only hard job and results give you a right to judge. otherwise it's just complaining and waiting till things happen. make them happen.

it's all about MC :-)

2008-09-15T00:29:00.001+02:00

MC Slovenia in Q3 - unofficial report

MC Slovenia is inviting Outstanding members of AIESEC Slovenia to visit the new flat

THE outstanding 658!

2008-09-14T21:01:00.011+02:00

it's finished!

Kick off aka Kick ass!

from mess to outstanding 658! together!

this week after IC is coming to the end. One of my hardest weeks in Slovenia actually. From moving to the new flat to first BoA meeting, from weird emails to extremely constructive dialogs and work together.

i have never felt so close to my people. and the reason is crisis and hard-hard work together. yeap, the main word is together. i already shared with them about the aha moment that came to my mind last night. it's a thought about my future. with all my ambitions and ego i don't want to be a CEO of the huge company with thousands of employees that i will never see and that will shake everytime i pass by and that will look at me with puppy eyes. i want to be close to people. i want to learn from them and give them as much as i can.

this year at IC, reading blogs of other MCPs and talking to them i realized that the word MCP doesn't mean the same in every country. and i am completely comfortable with its meaning here in my country. here i feel myself like a mom of a big family that can be weak sometimes, that can turn to people and ask for help without being scared for image of a stroooong president. and i still think that asking for help and accepting mistakes means being strong.

as for Kick off itself i think we spoke 3 main words here - solution, responsibility and outstanding. i am proud that we are solution-oriented and dont complain, i am proud of personal responsibility and responsibility for country of everyone. and yeah. Outstanding 658 ;) it's about us.

i love my AIESEC Slovenia family. and nothing and noone will change this feeling.

our BoA

Our new flat

important tool for successful legislation ;)

"we don't need no legislation..." =)

it takes a crane to build a crane

2008-09-12T01:09:00.003+02:00

there one expression in my native language that from two worst things you choose the one that is less worst. sounds crappy but you can apply it to your life sometimes.

life gives strange gifts sometimes. and the only thing you can do is to accept them. like in a song - nature doesn't have a bad weather. there is indeed no bad weather. in the recent 3 days life gave too many things that i could call bad.

but at this moment i don't care about them because the most important thing for me is people. what i really care about now is that my teammate arrives back safely and healthy. and right now i am scared for him. and i feel helpless because i cannot do anything. just wait and hope. and to value what really matters.

because life is still wonderful even when you see it through tears. pure life.

this song has been with me since november. when i was happy or sad but pure.

right here right now

2008-09-11T00:24:00.005+02:00

it's 0.24 now. don't know if i should call it am or pm. but it's dark outside.

my working day started at 8.30 and it finished 20 mins ago. which is normal already as it's not the first day like that.

and of course i think sometimes - why? why am i here and why do i do all this? i could be in any part of the world now enjoying my life and environment around me. do i really enjoy my life and environment around me? it's hard to say definitely yes or not.

the only thing i know is that how ever life beats me on my face or on my back (which is worse but kind of usual already) i won't give up. just look at my profile picture here and know that. whatever i do in my life i do it till the end. even when conditions are non applicable :) even when attitude of people around is negative and skeptical. even when i see a lot of NOs in the end i will say YES.

i don't want to be one more ordinary person who lived the term and complained all the time. i don't want to be a talkative girl who speaks more than does. i don't want to inspire without having in mind how to achieve things. it's like one of my favorite stories about sugar:

A woman travels across India to see Gandhi.

After waiting all day to speak to him, she asks him to tell her child to stop eating sugar. He tells her to come back in a week.

She travels to see Gandhi the following week. She asks him to tell her son to stop eating sugar. He says to the child, “Son, stop eating sugar.”

The mother asks Gandhi why she had to wait a week and travel such a great distance for the second time.

He tells her, “A week ago, I was still eating sugar.”

so for me it's clear. if it's outstanding progress it's outstanding progress. without compromising. with mistakes indeed. i already made hundreds of them. and they made a huge impact. also positive.

i believe in this country. and i believe in outstanding progress of this country.

married again :)

2008-09-07T20:14:00.002+02:00

there is a russian version of facebook that we call vkontakte. and it has same stuff as facebook has. i use it actually more than facebook that's why it's hard to find something new about me in fb.

so vkontakte is the main connection with Russia for me now. and even not talking to people makes me aware of all updates they have. which makes me analyse main trend happening there - marriages. you just see a lot of white pictures and think - omg :)

well actually my age now is a good age for that. people are renting/buying flats, making not even first steps in business, buying cars and planning family life with their loved ones. and it's normal. it's THE life already. without bullshitting and messing up around anymore.

and today i actually discovered that it's not only a russian trend now. but general. my people are planning to marry.

and honestly speaking it scares me already. i feel like being out of range but i don't want to be in. i am scared that i cannot have same approach to people i love, especially being aware of the fact that men are usually my friends in these getting married couples. i am even scared of not seeing them. not having same conversations. not having same time. is it egoism? i am sure it is.

life gives us a lot. really a lot. but then it takes it all back. one by one. and then it gives again. it will never be the same.

P.S. congratulations to all of you people=))) Sergei and Lika, Katia and your guy, Chamil and your girl, Albina and your guy, Ryan and Ildi again, Andy and Adriana in advance ;)

it's THE dance :-)

2008-09-06T23:01:00.002+02:00

it took us 1 bottle of wine and 1 bottle of beer after a hard working day + half an hour of laughing to make it.

still we consider it's as a traditional slovenian dance. even if it's not. we just love it :) and as we noticed at IC not only we love it

always somewhere

2008-09-06T02:06:00.002+02:00

changing places and time zones all the time i lost this sence of time. it's 8 am in Brazil right now and 1 pm in switzerland. i am not here and not there - right now i am nowhere. i say that i am going back home and don't have Russia in my mind anymore. i remember one russian classic writer mentioned once that only russians would feel lonely abroad. think it's true although i loose this feeling. actually one thing that i realized about my motherland is that it's so unique that it cannot join any unions. and aiesecwise you cannot make it a part of any subregion even GN. it's a GN itself.

******************************************

within last 2 weeks a lot of things happened to me for the 1st time. America do Sul, Ocean, dozens of unknown food, dozens of feedbacks i've never got in my life, dozens of moments when i wanted to escape but stayed till the end.

and of course i lived all those magic moments that we usually keep carefully on the bottom of our mind and take them out when hard times come. i had plenty of them. and i smile everytime when they go out and brighten environment around me.

- Katia colouring my hair and making massage for my head. Katoo herself i would say. and my Marina, my Ira, my Olga, my Lera = my strong russian women expanding the world. i adore you.
- talking to Irakli and Gio about war in Georgia. actually listening and listening. even when the whole body was trembling.
- Vincent's hugs and singing Life is wonderful for him when he was sick. and then talking about REC while sitting on asphalt in Sao Paulo.
- UBS night and Ukraine. Ukraine in general
- Walter. still wonder why we never talked at last IC and how lucky i am to know this person.
- Nuno singing at legislation. Nuno showing me a video of Cherny Boomer when i was sad. Nuno threating me as a puppy in the swimming pool. Nuno talking to me in russian. kind bastard Nuno.
- Emil telling me - be brave - in the end. i will be... i am. and Emil being adorable in his sincerity and simplicity.
- Andries as a coach for the half of delegates. and his ability to listen and to be completely in. without any clustered approach :)
- Stories of countries that grew significantly last year. small or big - doesn't matter.
- moments when i was telling people about my country. My Slovenia.
- looking tired at the darkness and seeing his eyes looking at me and hiding. looking and hiding. this story will never end. hm :/
- ocean touch for the first time in my life and *capoeira* with Carlos. and many of these MCVP Financers that i connected with. it always happened naturally and not because i dont have VPF in my team. but who knows now...
- Night in Copacabana and ocean. and silence. making connections with nature and my life. oh yes it's pure me. tm background hasnt gone.
- Rafael sitting in the taxi and waiting till i enter the hostel. still cannot define what i felt those moments.
- writing U.F.A on sand in Copacabana. it's the best LC in the world. and i am originally from there ;-)
- travelling in a small bus like marshrutka in Sao Paulo during pick time with around 40 people squized there. feeling like home in Ufa :)
- Diego's mother and aunt talking to me in portugues all the time, kissing+ hugging and calling fofinha.
- hugs in general. i think i got them more than in last 2 months in Slovenia. or it's because i started valuing them more since i forgot their taste. Yes, hugs are very important for me.

this country gave me a lot in such a small time. i explored just a piece of piece of it and think i cant judge it. on the other hand i don't know even a half of my own country. maybe i know 1/4. our opinions are always subjective and superficial. at the same time inner voice inside of you is never wrong. and my inner voice tells me - lucky you are girl. with all ups and downs, smiles and tears you tasted it. i fell in love with this country. not with beautiful buildings and sights, tasty fruits and sun, but with its spirit and way. now i understand how i managed friendships with all these wonderful brazilians for 6,4 and 2 years. they are my people.

carpe diem.

**************************************
dobrodosli back in Slovenije

it's amazing how it feels when you come back to the country and hear the language you love. actually it was already amazing to fly not so high and see Bodensee and places where i left a piece of myself when i was 16. it was unbelievable to see gorgeous Alps from another perspective and then to confuse the guy on passport control with my identity. he still didn't get who i was why i came again to Slovenia, he was just smiling in the end. yes this world is all mixed. and i said that i came back home. which was completely true.
and then jumping from the airport to the Gorilazz concert and seing tonnes of new people again. remembering the song - there are no regrets just new connections. and the german guy that embarrassed me so much with being just sincere and direct in expressing his attitude towards me. and then my wonderful guys informing me that i will share one room and one bed with one of them. and then they plan to switch. wtf :-)

and drunk and cute Zarko telling me about his internship in Brazil and his brave plans. and naive from the first look but a big bastard Adi with unexpected jokes. i am here again.

Brazil - breaking/improving stereotypes

2008-09-04T18:00:00.001+02:00

i know that the best way to get to know the country is to get out of the touristic bus and go to people. so i did it.

second thing connected with Brasil and its reputation of being a crazy and dangerous country and with me being in fact same is that i went to the country without insurance. just because.
don't know when my cultural shock had started. was it on the way from the airport to the first hotel when i saw hundreds of favellas and was random for first 2 days or it was after IC, when Holliday Inn experience added some value to my shock :) or maybe it's a 2 months Slovenia experience because otherwise i always felt home in Brasil. Of course country is completely different from Russia. anyways... let's see that detailed:

food.
ok. i cannot compare brazilian food with any other. because it's great in its uniquenessnes. it's soooo unique that i felt myself like a child trying new things all the time. their fruits are gorgeous. i learnt more than 10 new names and i am scared to come back to Europe and realise i cannot eat our food. but i love it. Cata told me once that fruits in Brasil are like water. i bought 5 HUGE mandarins for the price of a 1 litr water in Russia. don't even want to remember the price of these mandarins in Russia=)and of course brazilians eat a lot of meat. so if you need a vegetarian meal, just take pieces of meat out of the plate. simple as nothing :)

nature.

yes it's very different as well. i remember our famous quite from the soviet comedy *zdravstvuite ja vasha tetja* - Brasil, the country with a lot of wild monkeys. and i saw those wild monkeys and i saw hundreds of palms and leaves that are bigger than my hand and many-many colours and everything when? in brasilian winter! can you imagine swimming in winter and burning skin because of too much sun? this is brazilian winter.

diversity.

if you think Russia is too diverse, go first to Sao Paulo. and you will see diversity in life-styles, in people, in nationalities, in traditions, quality. whatever. anything you think about would be diverse in Brasil.

people.

women -

i didnt know many of them before coming here. simple things from my perspective are that they are very beautiful, mainly with long, healthy hair, proud and not random, warm and talkative, looking older than they are (still don't know if it's because of nature or not-caring, but it's true that their skin is older than actual age). many women have strange tastes for clothes - cheap, many colours that don't suit to each other and quite provokative. i guess i described briefly the group btw 20 and 35 years.

men -

based on my personal experience and stereotypes i had they seem to be macho type people who are easy to get and who can start kissing you because you look more than 1 second in their eyes. it has been proved in the past, but this time it was different. the ones who i spent time with were simply great, caring and reliable. i am sure it's not only about them but about us creating environment around ourselves. and expectations of course. i think i am fed up with these hot guys and need just strong men around. and i got them. in general i cannot say a lot about them as i didn't interract much with them this time. all of them were nice to me, no matter if it was a touristic place or a caffee where i just chatted with them. i would rather described specific people as they matter more than general profile=)
so people. people are happy, but still they have to fight for each sentavo and they do that otherwise welcome to favella. people have similar mindset like people in Russia have about big cities vs small villages.

cities:
Rio
definitely the best city in the world. fitting completely to my needs - having mountains and water. and then you have these neighbourhoods that you know from brazilian soap operas - the ones you grew up with. they actually still priduce them. dozens and hundreds. and i still recongnise these faces. Rio is freedom, dancing, annoying sellers, light, sault, Rafael.

Sao Paulo

city that reminds me several russian cities. i had really many deja vus. Samara, Ufa, Mitino in Moscow, Saratov partly - it was there. City with millions of companies and high-high buildings. and then looking at another side of the tie you see mess in streets - people selling everything for everyone. Mainly it's made in China mess. and then Marco tells you the motto of the country - ordem e progresso. right :) especially when you enter the shop and hear a shot outside, people screaming and police running. it's just a part of life. and on the other side it's a business capital of the country. so balance is still there. we chose the most untouristic places actually - parallel streets, roads through bridges and never regreted. So Sao Paulo is freedom again, it's high, it's mess, everything, rush. it's my Russia in some pieces, maybe just happier and more colourful.

Guarulhos :)

well the name is not the point. the point is Diego's place. it's somehow beneficial to have a teammate from the Cy and from the place which is not that far away. and i am truly amazed by his family's hospitality and opportunity to see the country through the curtains and screen, because it shows reality. i think it was same in Skopje when we lived in Goce's place and felt macedonian culture from macedonian people and not from Burek/habib/shaurma places and hostels.
and life in this specific place is just amazingly the one i expected to see - no one at home during the day and then evening - delicious dinner, funny talks, soap opera and then footbal match. Caring mama and aunt who try to talk to you and are in fact typical women who treat you as own child. i am only afraid to become picky and start missing my own wonderful family.

thank you Diego!

wishe i could show my country to my teammates.

IC 2008 Brazil

2008-09-04T17:48:00.003+02:00

it was my second IC and somehow i hope i won't be an aiesecer with never ending experience in the organisation. anyways what i realised again and again is that any IC is a powerful experience. so let's structure it again by priorities.

Country Slovenia
I still see a lot of non-awareness of other people and sense of forgetting about it. It was a session at cee-premeeting when the first word people said about Slovenia was *small*. yes we are small, but! actually after that excercise we could finalize our identity as a country. we are small and we have everything - rich naturally (alps, adriatic sea, lots of caves, valleys, forests and much more), rich economically (highest GDP per capita in CEE, booming economy and sustainable growth), rich culturally (4 neighbouring countries and interesting history that made us a unique country).

and AIESEC in Slovenia...

that in fact doesn't have needed credibility due to low performance but is seen as the country with huge potential (think i have heard it in russia already ;) ), country represented by a russian girl and 2 latino guys (moving back to stereotype thinking - this is a cruel mix!!!), a country that starts up things from 0 - cy2cy cooperations, looking for GCPs and solutions for 1000 challenges. and in the end yes. we are working for outstanding progress.

MC team Slovenia

we were only 3 there. which is a big pity. still it was a hard and great time for us. with all tough and happy moments i can say that i love these guys for responsibility and self-driven learning. i love them for being committed and hard-working and also giving me hard times for the best. and i always knew i could rely on them. Still we have a lot of things to improve and grow together.

MCPs.

changed a lot after IPM. and even CEE MCPM. sometimes P experience makes people better, sometimes worse. i feel and observe people a lot so i can definitely see these transformations. i know that these are people who understand me best and who live the best experience AIESEC can give. and there is no need to explain them what is how, they know it already. and i enjoyed reconnecting and building deeper relationships with these people.however some transformations dissapointed me. especially when people play 2 roles: one - talking about thriving network, another - building an image of CEOs of the cool organisations and grouping. i understood that it's not my way and i want to be myself no matter how it affects my super position. there is one life and one personality. pureness and sincerity are much more powerful than any prepared speeches and targeted smiles and attention. so just be the one you want to be and apply it to your personality and don't separate it as a different mask.

Personal.

i didn't have specific goals except of strenthening contacts i have and meeting my beloved people. well one of the goals was also understanding of my future but my current role and all its features covers all other thoughts.yes i spent a lot of time with those people. i reconnected with this brand called *russian women* again and it was funny again - all this attention, interesting cases, conversations like sales meetings and compliments. ah these stereotypes :)anyways i must admit that this year i am fully slovenian and that's it. and i enjoy talking about my country and inviting people to visit it. because it's worth it. it's not a piece a paradise, but it's a land of endless opportunities. the country that has everything in such a small territory.i had some magic moments of course, but it will be a special post because now i cannot separate them. and don't want to structure otherwise i will get crazy.

power of reality

2008-08-14T23:54:00.002+02:00

i realized long time ago that my secret of success is hard work. and the main word here is hard. it never comes easily and i never choose easy ways as well.

and then i think a lot about one russian proverb - если долго мучиться, что-нибудь получится - if you starve working hard for a long time something will happen. and i apply it to myself. and i see myself in the first part right now. i know what i want and i work for that, the only missing thing is wise resources maybe. so it looks like working and working without clarity in mind. i should definitely change it.

***
actually i have hundreds different feelings and learnings and thought and whatever you call it. and they happen all in one day. as usually. i am getting used to these regular mind-blowing days. it's hard. right now i understand completely that session at IPM and message of the faci about MCP being the loneliest position in AIESEC. and i still havent experienced BoA and financial part of legislation ;-) anyways i have enough people around who give me hard times. sometimes more than enough.

MCP is not only ILMs and fancy stuff. it's not only opening speeches at conferences and a stamp in your bag. It's not only making beautiful visions and inspiring people. it's being the one who is final guilty for any mistakes and never cool for any achievements. it's being the one who's main skill is to listen as much as possible and to balance between the reality and ambitions. it's being the one who loves everyone and stays till the end. it's being the one :-)

everyone gets what she/he wants. i got what i wanted. and now i am living it. and loving.

power of trust and distances :-)

2008-08-13T21:37:00.003+02:00

Klara asked me today how i feel in Slovenia and if i love the country.

i do.

and what makes me feel so warm and amazed here is this mutual trust that i have in people. i realized also while talking to Mo that in this country it's sooo easy to implement things, change, improve because it's small and people trust you. not blindly, but you don't need to waste a lot of time selling your ideas, testing strategies and doing huge analysis. you have just 3 LCs, a country of 2 000 sq kms, opportunity to have monthly NPMs, smart people and a very promising market around.

and even when legislation fair is half english, half slovene, compendium is slovene and you hardly understand what is happening around, you trust. of course there is no other way :) but you feel comfortable trusting them.

and then you find a piece of paper with weekly tasks of one of your teammates among hundreds of other papers and smile - he is so smart and proactive.

it's extremely important for me to trust people and to know that they are smart and proactive.

with Klara near Ljubljanica smelling and enjoying the warmth of city.

power of media

2008-08-10T23:26:00.002+02:00

now i understand why it is 4th power as we say it in Russia. because whatever mass media say, you mainly believe them. even if truth is completely different in Russia, Slovenia, Portugal, Romania and Brazil.

i don't know truth because i am not in Black sea region now. i cannot believe mass media because i need to see everything myself. but i don't form my opinion based on mass media. and find it inappropriate when people judge my country based on it.

my country is not what you see in bbc or wherever. my country is not a big army that wants to bomb whatever it can. noone wants to have a war in my country. so please be careful while making conclusions and telling me weird things about my country. think wider and understand.

thank you.

some mess or more learning?

2008-08-08T20:24:00.003+02:00

well, it's not a secret that things sometimes are messed up in my life. and i never choose easy ways. i just realized today how chaotic this process was - process of getting brazilian visa. first of all i realized that it's not possible to get it in Slovenia because they will start doing that at the end of august only :) then i went to Vienna because it was the closest place to get this visa. and guess what? i met a woman in the consulate who hates aiesec and she started over complicating things so i clearly understood that there was no way to get visa in Vienna.

and then i was thinking of Italy, CR, Hungary, Ukraine and even Russia. was thinking about going there physically. and what was the final decision? yeap. i sent my passport to Rotterdam. and now it's on the way back to Slovenia which is my big luck.

what i want to say with this is following:

* never give up!
* be creative and think out of box
* be brave and persistent
* there are always wonderful people arround who can help you. so WALTER, i really adore you and have no words to show my appreciation! what surprises me most is that we are actually not close friends. i would say we are not friends. yet :) we met once and didn't talk much also online. but your support costs more than anything. and i truly appreciate that. and then i am thinking about some people here around who actually know me much better and moments when i ask them for help and then get funny answers: oh i don't know, maybe, oh i don't want. whatever. i don't judge just keep in mind that sometimes you just shouldn't ask for any help. but in the end nothing will harm you if you just help a person. especially in small things. but frankly speaking i am afraid now if i can rely on some people. but anyways - life will show us :)
*believe in best and keep smiling even when your eyes are wet from tears :))))

Murrr...

Team days=)

2008-08-04T20:19:00.010+02:00

they were extremely on time. i think it was one of the most useful weekends that i spent here in Slovenia :-)

we analyzed, we gave feedbacks, we tracked, we planned, we changed...

we were very frank and honest with each other. and this is something that i appreciate a lot in these people. i think i am getting used to this another working style - working with men. no emotions and bullshitting. it's completely different and it changes me very fast. and strengthens i would say. i am becoming stronger and i feel it even physically. these people make me stronger.

actually i was far away from them in the previous month. mentally far away. and i have no clue why. but now i feel this warmth and trust in this team. and i know that it's a unique team. not because we are 5 people from 5 countries. not because of gender disbalance. i just know it and it's enough :)

it doesnt matter what we are doing - producing bird sounds in the center of Ljubljana or dancing wild, having long discussions or drinking bashkir balsam as juice (45 degrees), working for 24 hours or swimming till the island (almost :) )... it doesn't matter. what matters is taste of such a life. life together.

cool it

2008-07-30T18:43:00.003+02:00

i like to say with Zemfira's words (famous singer from my homecity :)) that i am one life older after each big experience. especially when this experience is tough.

i am quite often 1 life older since i became an mcp of Slovenia. and i cannot even reflect properly where i am developing and if i am really developing.

yesterdays learning was issue with brazilian consulate in Austria. i think i was ready to really kill myself already. but luckily it took around 5 hours of the way home and i just came to some personal conclusions which are not so nice for me. yeah. being honest with myself becomes my life principle.

i just noticed that i like to overload myself with a lot of work but i never count resources (meaning body, physically). and then when something is going wrong i am quite bitchy and negative. and this attitude affects other spheres as well. so cool it dear. noone will die if you just relax a bit :)

i realized also that i am a feeling person but i just don't use it. i really feel situations and cases or i just program them with my attitude. i have no clue, but inner personal power is something that shouldn't be skipped. it is scary as well.

i don't know how all this campaign finishes. but anyways it will be the best possible result.

activating innovations and fast thinking right now :) but without killing myself

кто мне сказал - не получится? если мне хочется, сбудется ;)

2d visit, 1 aiesec?

2008-07-26T18:34:00.002+02:00

i didn't write that i am actually a coach of LC Maribor :) from now on.

and here are my thoughts that came to me while being there:

it's amazing.

now i completely understand the meaning of One AIESEC. it's not only about same values and same brand in all these countries, same aiesec dances and posters in the office (...)

i see AIESEC Slovenia more with slovenian eyes, but my russian background tells me - common, just look deeper: Kranj is more like NC, Maribor is very similar to Kazan and you can compare Ljubljana with Ufa. Sometimes you see Samara spirit in guys like Primoz, you hear same ideas from Kranj like Izhevsk shared with you at your last visit there. and you already know next steps and reactions in specific moments. it's like deja vu. yeah, i was completely right in my application and then elections that slovenian reality wouldn't be that much different.

yes, cultural diversity is great, but i more and more think that in AIESEC it's all actually same. maybe attitudes are different and external influence, but not too much. or it's just me who feels very home now. although i know and question myself - wtf i still don't speak the language. because language is our everything. i want them to speak their mother language with me and that's it. i want them to feel close to me as well and be comfortable while speaking. in any condition :)

Maribor. in sLOVEnia.

2008-07-26T18:16:00.011+02:00

Maribor.

previously called Marchburg.
previously having 85% of germans and just arround 20% of slovenians.
currently having 60% of students who speak german better than english.
but historically slovenian. they told me. and i believe them :)

old, small and one more fairy-tale city. reminds me a bit of old Bremen, but MAribor has more warm colours and warmth in general. you feel it in narrow streets with lots of people inside and in walls that protect you. you smell it in honey all arround and hand-made stores. you see it in people's faces that enjoy life and invite you to do the same.

a lot of german arround, restaurant where the waitress started speaking german and then apologised and continued in slovene. interesting :)

they have a plenty of red colours. roofs, walls, tables and chairs inside the buildings.
and peace all around. peace and cuteness could be a logo of the city. i just started realizing that i feel extremely peaceful in this country. and even when i am completely into work which is not a piece of cake i know that as soon as i go outside and smell the environment i will feel great.

on the way back home to Ljubljana i had the same feeling as i had next morning after 19th January. i was smiling, dreaming, having a face that we in Russia call *blazhennoe*. and i remember that people asked me that time - are you in love dear? and i thought and said - in love? mmm, soon yes. in sLOVEnia.

sun after clouds

2008-07-21T22:01:00.005+02:00

yeah.

i found this cool phrase today - Life is growth. if we stop growing technically and spiritually we are as good as dead.

so i am growing.

first i got the bicycle for 2 weeks from Ines and it's pink and cute :-)
then i called Brazilian embassy in Vienna and luckily i had learned german because the council or whoever didn't speak english at all. but at least we had fun talking to each other and negotiated about visa procedures :D so maybe it's not german that is my big joker in life but this brazilian guy who was joking with me all the time.

and yes.
then i broke a fridge which means that damage is already here.

and now i finally got the best t-shirt possible :D thank you Diego and P&G :DDD

so i am growing. with my team. i feel so alive now. even though i need to wake up at 6 am and have no free minute tomorrow. and even though i get lots of invoices with big numbers and sign contracts where i understand 0 words. (less than 1 as Monika would say :) )

tomorrow i will be completely legal and official Predsednica :-)

- 1

2008-07-21T14:04:00.002+02:00

it was a logical solution. and it was her decision. better earlier than later.

sometimes you should just accept some things. and if you don't then don't hurt yourself and be honest. i think we both were honest.

it's not only about this team stuff. i think i became 100 more years older on sunday. while making a budget till december with guys, while talking to Lena, while reading Vika and remembering things that one of my teammates told me once - people tend to see negative things in your actions most of the time. they are waiting and waiting until you make a mistake and then - aha! they show you that and you are confused - if they are sad about that or happy. and you think of the second option. and when you ask - what have you personally done to make it better you receive a surprised face.

i am quite intolerant with people who just sit and wait when world happiness comes from clouds and makes them satisfied.

i don't care much about experiences and skills of people. i care about attitude. passion and commitment. there is no easy life when you move on and climb higher. each step is connected with pain and it's self-driven. of course it's easier to continue sitting in a comfortable chair, watch and make comments and be safe in the end. it's ok. but it's someone's way and not my way. i keep on climbing. to my goals. to my vision. and i know it will be very painful. it hits already. but it's just a part of success. huge success.

man, i feel like a woman, or balkan way of fun

2008-07-20T18:33:00.003+02:00

after a full week of non-stop work and being all this time together with mc guys who tell you that you are not a woman it's quite natural to forget about balance and continue working.

so when we went to Kranj for LC visit on saturday, i wasn't ready for any kind of fun. especially having in mind that Kranj is the hometown of our jokes about *craaaaaazy parties*.

anyways Dasa took me to one club and we went just to dance there.

and yes. that was the new beginning of my cultural shocks. maybe not about Slovenia but about balkan men. The whole party reminded me russian weddings, where people get drunk and start fighting. it was a bit different here but still. i think, each 2d guy was trying to approach us, each 3d glass and each 5th bottle was flying around and being broken, each 1.5 song was balkan and i had no idea first how to dance it. so in the end when Dasa finally put me on the table they decided to switch on oriental music. those who know me can imagine consequences =)

so as for balkan men, their way was quite weird for me. it's like first they find out that you cannot speak the language. and when they hear the word Russia they immediately start behaving in a strange way - some people want to marry you, some people start singing Believe me. and everyone is happy about that. so maybe being a russian is a specific skill here? =)

Ru women in Slo countries :)

2008-07-17T00:06:00.008+02:00

in Russia we lived more far away from each other then now in our new countries.

from february of 2005 we are just there for each other.

funny, girlish, egoistic, strong, weak, sad, but always enjoying.

*being smart in saratov at first our conference
*being talkative in novosibirsk by unplanned meeting
*being hiper crazy and shoking for everyone in novosibirsk in winter and sleeping in one chair by the cantine at 7 am and stealing blankets from chelyabinsk room
*being curious in moscow and walking all day long
*being proud and fancy in saratov with TM stuff :)
*being and becoming mature in moscow again
*being accepting and feeling pain in novosibirsk at our last russian conference together

*being crazy enough to meet in Prague.

it's not much eh? but i am not going to count time. such things are uncountable and such people are simply valuable. where will we meet next time? Bratislava? Ljubljana? who cares and who plans?=))

strong balkan women :)

2008-07-15T15:52:00.004+02:00

Croatia represented by Portugal
Slovenia represented by Russia

doesn't matter where - in Skopje, Ohrid or in Prague. I feel your support and inner power. and you always come to me at the right time. thank you for that. muito obrigada, draga :)

and nothing else matters. challenges go near us but not with us. and we know that ;)

12-13 July NEBM

2008-07-14T12:38:00.003+02:00

uhhh...

very interesting...

they expected fights but we had meaningful dialogues

they expected pushing approach but we only guided them

they expected misunderstanding but we were solution-oriented

i expected different way of thinking (as i had been warned 1000 times from some people) but at the session Our ambition i realized that we were on the same way and willing the same future

i expected silence but got many valuable ideas and suggestions.

they are smart. i tried to compare them with me after 1 year in aiesec and realized that they are smarter than me at that time. and this is amazing.

there is still a lot to work on and make clear. it's like a house after a week long party that you should clean. but you have people who want to make it a comfortable place to live and this is important. you have the ones you trust and this feeling makes you stronger. even if you still lack in reality understanding and dont know basic for mcp things like compendium (its in slovene) and some legal issues you feel you are stronger. together with these people. all together and for the successful future.

yes people. i am in the right place at the right time. havent i told you that?

life as a gossip

2008-07-09T21:34:00.002+02:00

well it can be some personal follow up of CEE MCPM.

i dont know where it comes from. i dont know who started talking about that at the meeting , BUT!

whoever reads my blog, just be aware - i am not married

i can show you my passport or whatever you want, but it's quite weird for me to hear such things :) especially when you are the youngest person at the meeting. i started thinking if i behave like a married woman which is even more weird for me :)

so that was my announcement.

don't be pussy

2008-07-09T14:56:00.004+02:00

so its already July, 9 which means life is speeding up and i am running with it.

actually it started unexpected, even though i had a lot of time between my elections and start of the term. well its not always easy to be an international mcp :)

anyways it started naturally

we still dont have a national plan and it makes our work messy, but as we defined our vision, we need to be very fast this year and decide + react effectively and immediately. i feel sometimes as a guy from circus who needs to manage all tricky things at once like playing with 5 balls at once and look nicely and elegant at the same time. but somehow its amazing - this fast decision making, doing things in 6 hours that are usually supposed to be done in a month.

its interesting to receive post which is all in slovene and you know you need to react but you have no clue how. it's scary to listen that you need to sign something and you cannot read it. yet.

it was a very challenging moment at team days when i heard expectations towards me and realized that i definitely should become a man if i plan to fulfill these expectations.

it is just interesting when you realize, there is no money, no place to live in 1 week, no access to the office and lots of other small things (1000 more as Diego would say). but you still live and make fun of it. and of course you think about solutions. because if not you than who?

i already feel myself as a natural part of this reality. i wrote *back home in Ljubljana* when i came from Prague. i go to the dorm unconsciously without being lost anymore.

i just live and enjoy it. shut up and go further.