from 22.07.09

it is an extremely hot day in Budapest and i am sitting on Lenkin's bed without internet and waiting for hit to go away so that i can taste the city being fresh and good.

it has been almost one month since my term as MCP of AIESEC Slovenia finished and i started my X journey. Its pretty hard to sum up what happened and how much it transformed me but i am a different person as one year ago. I spent several days with Matjaz as he organized a media conference, he is the person who hasn't seen me for 1 year and he said almost immediately - girl, you changed completely. i am still figuring out what it means. changes never come in only positive or negative way - for this you don't need to be a smartass - but today right now i feel myself much more as a woman professionally and personally even though i have a long way to become it completely. Today when i went through the tops of success and deep shit being AIESEC Slovenia MCP i can feel my role in the world and almost any environment i am in. i understand my huge debt to AIESEC and what it did with me, it's an unpayable lifelong debt, but i don't feel any emptyness as i was warned about. maybe it's because life is so rich and so full of various opportunities that AIESEC's role is not to fulfill your life completely but to guide you to your things, your people and make sure you accomplish your mission and live your life not someone's else just because it's supposed to be the right one.

this last month being thrown from one extreme to another, from the top to hell and back i also realized how important it is to wait and look deeper around. it's damn important to know what you want and then repeating Coelho's words for 100000 time - all universe will help you to achieve it. it's damn crucial to have the right people around you - right and diverse - with this i am happy that my "black" period of life in july showed me who are they and who are they not. and life is a biggest joker - it can turn you around so extraordinary with all your people around that you feel like an artist having absolutely different roles with same people.

i still strongly believe that things happen for a reason.
i still strongly believe that we are responsible for who we are and for what happens with us.
i know now that i never know how curcumstances turn around and how the world will be for me
i know now that i should take things easy and accept them in the way they are when nothing can be/should not be changed
i know now that at the end of my life i will forget all the strategies, daily routine and bla but what i will remember people that i love and care about.
i know and still believe that you should go on, never ever give up and stop dreaming - achievements and success sometimes come later, but all investments come back and all the good things remain.

and i know that lifetime friends never disappear from your life no matter if they are in Portugal/Mozambique, Italy/Brazil, Slovenia/Croatia, Hungary or anywhere else in this world.

thank you whoever for blessing my life and giving me all your fruits and corns to enjoy, to learn, to love, to grow and give back.

it is an extremely hot day in Budapest and i am sitting on Lenkin's bed saying obrigada to Barbara's mother who entered the room and opened the windows so that i can breath fresh air. she told me that in portuguese that i don't understand. but you don't need to understand people's warmth right? it doesn't have difference in languages.

Creo que la vida un tresoro sin equal

* i got the sticker with permission for residence and am legal again. and people, it's such a weird feeling when you know you get it, but you are kind of expired already, you can't travel, you can't book tickets (but who will stop me? :) ) and the only thing that you have is a piece of paper that you are ok. i will never understand illegal immigrants or people who mess with such kind of rules.

* thesis is done, all tickets are booked meanwhile, all meetings in RU are scheduled. i have again a trip home with purpose and never just to visit people. and have more clear feeling about this country and other countries in my life. but let us see how it will be solved in following days. it looks like a big mix again.

* we got Nikos in our place. So all MC 0910 is here. having their first party (networking event :D) last night. uhhh. i am amazed. and at the same time i know that in certain points my guys are unbeatable and i am simply happy to have a dinner with them and be completely aligned with jokes and all the craziness that we have. who else would provide you with adrenalin by just riding bikes and screaming like birds (since july already :) )? who else will be so innocent and damn sarcastic at the same time? when Jens was looking at Diego and me laughing and dying for some 5 mins i thought that the biggest cultural shock one can get in Slovenia is living with us (my guys and me). but let me write about my guys some next time=)

* MC 0910 is wonderful :)

* Salsa. Last night i was finally convinced to go there after 1 month of break. i had reasons of not going there and last night i realized how silly those reasons were and how much all this spirit, smell and energy makes me a part of it. And it took all my doubts away about certain things.

* "We always donate blood. it's our tradition" - i met Ziga from EESTEC pretty randomly in the bus and those his words made me share with him something i usually never share with people.

* "You have big dreams". God, damn, you could say it in 30 mins of getting to know me but not knowing me at all.

Ljubljana in the evenings. amazingly magic, scary, intimate and special city.
Life is a big treasure. feel it, breath it and see what is unseen.

bole biti pjan nego star - 2

last night we were celebrating Aljoša's birthday in DD. it's a place where we used to live with my guys when we just came to Slovenia. The room where i slept my first night full of guys on the floor and in the bed (too many people, too less space) gave me the feeling that it would be normal for the whole year already that time. tones of nice memories about living in DD came back - it's like remembering your old times, your youth which is pretty weird as you have been living in the country less than a year and you are supposed to be this guest resident. the rooms around and even self-made designs look same - people still live there and it's normal when my own life is changing so dynamically. probably this is what people call sustainability? even if its permanent, but at least you know what happens to you within 2-3 months..

and then i recalled my life in Šiška - another place we lived and that was so special as well and it seems again that i lived 3 years instead of one here because i simply can't squeeze everything that happened to me here in 1 year. last night people were singing bole biti pjan nego star as at my first night in Ljubljana - same room, same people, same wine :)

seems that nothing changed. but when i look at myself of that time and look at myself of now - oh my god. when i sing ne grem na kolena with my guys - we hug each other and even Diego and Marco know words - we are different.

actually we will never be the same. the core yes. but i am just astonished how fast life runs. today's date is written in my residence' permit sticker in the passport as the due date of my stay here. next week i will get a new one which means i can stay in Slovenia till the end of 2009. next week i will go to Ufa to graduate, skip diplomas giving, official party and jump here back again to put the dot and find my next destination. next week Nikos is coming already and i still clearly remember how we were waiting for Marco one year ago.

Village Part 2

if you want to hide from people do not choose Ljubljana for living :)

today i had 2 meetings around FDV and EF and each third person i met was someone i knew. it might sound like - yohooo, finally i know people, but in my case it was really weird - i met really many people that were not even compatible to each other, people i already forgot and people who were not supposed to be there..

sometimes when i see a new face i am afraid to introduce myself, because what might happen is that people know you from somewhere and you simply don't remember them. you recall their names through facebook when they add you and then you see some 20 common friends and just get shocked, how small the world is.

Slovenia is definitely a cosy and sweet country for me. and now scary too - if you want to hide, just forget about it :)

Not ordinary global village

if you spend some good time in AIESEC and attend international conferences you always participate in global villages. 5 countries, 10, 50, 107... depends on a scale. i've been pretty spoiled with all of them and already bored even though for last 1.5 years i have been representing Slovenia mainly.



So basically it's a nice event in the center of the city where you have a stand for your country with foods, materials, music and you have a costume or a tshirt with the name of your country on you. simple, exciting, tiring and enjoyable.

this month AIESEC Slovenia is running these GV pretty often, however i could participate only in one that was today in the center of Ljubljana. besides of cooking boobliki and blini for the whole night (first time that i actually cooked stuff for GV) and having fun with people i managed to raise russian kids through the embassy and then the group called vesela druščina. This is actually a group for children from mixed families (here one half is russian) and they have a russian school and a lot of activities to promote the language and keep connections with each other. dammit, i have been living here for the year and never ever heard about them. you really never know where and what you find. so you can imagine how much different is an experience of interacting with these people and involving them into AIESEC. and how much it is weird to speak your native language and teach people to dance your national dances and so on.



and again from one side i feel being back to my core and identity of a russian person and it is a nice feeling by the way. from the other side i am still discovering something new here and dig deeper into life which will make it so hard to leave everything and go further. so far my key opportunities are represented by 2 completely different countries and companies, my mother is writing messages asking to come back and settle down in Russia and i am wondering how my world will look like in 2 months from now on. i am sure it will be amazing and mindblowing. but i am also sure that i simply love and care about people here who became so close to me no matter how. once i read that we have 3 types of people in our life - for reason, for season and for a life time. and i am surprised to realize that i am lucky to get these people here who are for a life time mainly. People who will come at night to your place and help with cooking and entertain you, people who will listen to all your weird stories and never judge, people, who will dance with you in the middle of the supermarket, people who will give you a smile, a hug, food :) and a part of themselves without asking and expecting anything back.



Slovenia and AIESEC Slovenia, you can't imagine, how huge is the impact you made on me.

Hot.Hotter.The Hottest Future of AIESEC Slovenia

Just finished with NatCo 2009.

This was my last conference in AIESEC Slovenia in the role of the president.

This was the conference where my role was mainly to support/assist/help and be around. and it's a damn great feeling after all the time when you have been desperately making sure that things go as they should go. it's an amazing feeling when you have continuity and this continuity is smart and mature enough to move this organization forward and make it much better.





This was the conference where something happened that hadn't happened last year - presence of the elected MC team, start of the planning process, bonding of new teams and being ONE.

We reflected a lot as current leaders about our year and recalled our stories of successes and failures, of happy and sad days. Actually it took me into a pretty deep discovery and personal analysis. and now i am just thinking - how could every single of us go through all those moments in 1 year?



i feel very peaceful although still energetic and horny about achievements. still don't know where my road leads me later and hope to discover it next week :) but what i discovered those 2 days is that i am leaving AIESEC Slovenia. Not a random student organization in Slovenia. But AIESEC. and it matters a lot to me.

becoming cheap

when we are applying somewhere in AIESEC it's obvious that in 80% cases our living conditions are more close to surviving rather than enjoying :)

we know that salary (if) will be small and we still go for it which is amazing. working for (almost) free is another interesting topic, but i would love to bring up another one which is about becoming cheap.

i realized that i am becoming cheap when i compared things that i have from home and things that i got here. One parfume that costs more than 100 euros and is a gift from my mom beats half of my wardrobe where you can find t-shirts for less than 10 euros and a lot of junk stuff :)

another scary thing that i recalled was my changed attitude to insurance. i traveled to Brazil and Turkey (known as dangerous places) without it and now i would refuse from a new one for schengen countries that i made. is it a matter of attitude or a matter of surviving?

becoming cheap makes you also cheap content wise. you appreciate different things, you don't go for quality, all your choices change.

probably it's weird to hear it from the person that has the roof, bank account, education, food every day and parents to support in case something happens. yes, i remember that i belong to 8% of the wealthiest people in the world.

however this part of your life makes a big impact on your personality and conditions for you. and it's important to have specific parts of your life temporary and not to stuck in them.

age difference effect

it has been always a funny issue for me in Slovenia. i have been often observed people around 30 still finishing their universities, partying like if there is no tomorrow and sometimes behaving in a childish way.

and now imagine me, a 22-year-old person, talking to mom on the phone today...

case 1
Mama: so why don't you go out in Ljubljana anymore? you should! because when you come back and go out you will notice mainly people who are younger than you there...

case 2
Mama: you should live in Russia.
Me: i want to live in the world.
Mama: but with this gypsy life-style you will be late with finding a good husband.
Me: well... i still have time till 30.... ooops. ok, let's say till 26?=)
Mama: what? but when you are 26 all good men will be taken! and with your travels you won't marry a russian man
Me: well, last time i was in love with a russian man i was 18. i am afraid it was the last time..
Mama: oh poor child. you are wasting your life

:)))))

My mother is 45, she was a successful doctor and then director of the company in the past, right now she has a very good career and earns well despite crisis. She married my father when she was 22 (like me now!) and it was thought that she was late already.

Sometimes things that are so obvious and natural for us now, are not same for others. It's not the difference of generations, if you read my blog probably you saw a post about my 21-year old aunt that will be an official wife of the 24-year old guy in 20 days. And she is not the only one.

Here in Slovenia it's completely different.
In many-many countries it's different.

What is better? Everybody decides for his/her own. But social pressure matters as well. I am still surprised that i avoided it in my country and especially in my muslim culture.

i am a number

EP-In-SI-MC-2009-1222!

so weird and exciting to insert MY form into system.
so interesting to join the club :D

and choosing among the options of course. which i again made challenging for myself, but i can't make it simple, it's not me.

will be listening to colombian accent today all day. let's see where it brings me :)))

smile to the world

my last days gave me some hard time to keep myself alive. i started recovering and then incredible tuesday has come.

starting with a horrible dream and fear to close my eyes and see it again for all day long.

continuing with the news that my mom is not coming here in may, because travel agency messed up with something and she is not crazy like me to make it anyways.

and then the whole day went like a test to survive with all financial and bureaucratic challenges, people that you had trusted and demonstrated how naive it was and so on ... :)

naturally you start thinking of why it is happening to you and what is wrong. i still remember a story about one scientist-psychologist that went through the concentration camp during the II WW and how he won his enemies with the power of his mind. he went through physical and moral pain remaining himself and became free. later one he developed a lot of publications and wrote books about power of mind and attitude.

so... there is no reason to blame the world and feel sorry for yourself. no reason to focus and make it worse. i was listening to amazing music given me by Lenkin and found myself smiling because i was visualizing all the great moments i lived in past 5-6-7-... months.

no one can guarantee you a long and easy life. no one can guarantee that you even live and do as much as you plan to. i want to be proud of my life as i am its only designer.